Stuff that has been happening...

Harry Potter arrived. I have managed to read most of it. I am trying to finish it. In fact, it should be done by saturday if all goes well.

I went to NY for a friend's bridal shower and wedding planning fun, which was great. That was the weekend of Potter Mania. Everyone seemed really happy to see me. I got to meet some great new people. We also went hat shopping. I won't be needing to do that for a couple years.

This past shabbos was lovely and very restful. I am going to be studying with someone on wednesday and possibly thursday due to a scholar program at the shul. It will be nice and beneficial to my conversion studies.

I visited my Aunt and Uncle yesterday with my sister, her boyfriend and my nephew. It was a great time despite the rain and second guessing directions. Also we ran across a ghost cop. I had this cop following me out on 32 for the longest time. Then he suddenly disappeared with no turn signal or anyone noticing he turned. I was watching out my rearview for him and my sister's boyfriend was staring out my sideview mirror. He was just gone.

Tomorrow, I will be going to Queens with my Rabbi to meet another rabbi connected to the beit din. He is interviewing me about my conversion so far and my reasons for doing this. I am getting slightly nervous because I hate one on one meetings with any man of power. It is really intimidating for me. Also, this man can shut down my conversion. I don't plan on allowing that to happen without digging my heels into the ground. I have to figure out some way in to tricking my mind into thinking this rabbi is one of my close friends, since I don't tell strangers my personal business.

Well, It has been about 7 months of study now, though I first started the whole process nine months ago and made the decision 11 months ago. I figure I have at least another five or six months and then possibly more than that. I don't forsee my conversion being final before mid to late spring no matter how much I know.

My conversion is probably one of the most important things I have done with my life. People have always told me to follow my dreams and what I believe. Well, I am. I am following what I believe. I never made sense in the Christian religion, no matter what sect. I don't believe there can be an intermediary between a person and G-d. I just don't. It bothered me. I don't believe in the trinity either, father, son and holy spirit. I believe in One. G-d is One.
I hold the spirit of shabbos sacred. It is my favorite portion of me week, my time to be even closer to G-d. Sitting in a church, there wasn't a closeness, if anything I felt further away. I knew I didn't belong. They knew I didn't belong either because I didn't believe, but they kept trying even though I tried to follow my mother's expectations and up hold her diginity and status in the community. I was considered a member of their church. I never should have been. I remember sitting thinking the pastor was wrong about things. There was no discussion about anything. Everyone followed blindly like lost sheep.
I made myself a promise when I left my mother's church (we only went there a year, there is a long involved story that I am not getting into) that I would not stay in place where I did not feel I belonged. I would not go to a place of worship where I didn't feel comfortable with myself and my beliefs. Well, I search through religions for four or five years. I tried other Christian sects still trying to be the good Christian my mother wanted me to be and will never be. I search other as well.
I had basically given up. I figured there was no one other that that held core beliefs I have held all of my life. Then, I came into town for a YU play shabbaton and went to services. Things were explained to me. I got so lost that shabbos and it was intimidating. Highly intimidating. I am not sure it was because the services was in a different language I wasn't familiar with or just the fact that things were drastically different. It was was a strange feeling standing at shul. It was the first time in over five years that I felt peace. In all the chaos of being lost, I was at peace. I was bubbling over happy. I was nervous, but I was happy. I stood in a room full of people where they all believed deeply the only truth man was given: Hashem is G-d and he is one. The shema. I know the hebrew now. I didn't then, but concepts and beliefs go beyond words.
From that point I would ask my friend to take me to shul and he did. It wasn't a fluke that I felt that way I had that first shabbos in shul. I started to go to shul on my own no longer scared that someone was going to throw me out if I didn't go with my friend. Other friends kept telling me I would convert. I suppose out of spite, I more or less refused to listen to them. White noise. I needed my heart to tell me beyond all doubt that this was what I want. Rosh Hashanna was the defining moment where the white noise was going of people telling me "you will convert" "you should convert" or the opposite "why are you still going" and such vanished. All I had was my heart and the desire it held. It took being told I couldn't go to services on Rosh Hashanna for my heart to beat back the white noise. I was pretty upset I couldn't go to shul. Then I made the lovely realization that there was a shul in walking distance that was mainly empty even on holy days. I went. They didn't make minyan, but I went. The biggest thing to come out of that was my person decision. It would not be until November that I would talk to my rabbi and it wouldn't be until January that my Rabbi agreed to teach me. I was only turned away once, but I took the time to think about the decision. I waited to meet with him again until after my birthday, when I would be on winter break so I could think about it without many demands on my time. My decision never changed.
For the first time in my life I have something meaningful to me to live by. I just hope that I will be able to articulate this to the Rabbi tomorrow.

Recent News Movies and Potter

Well, last night I finally watch Sideways while working through part of my Health reading assignment for the week. It was a decent movie. I enjoyed it for the most part. A week earlier I watch King of the Corner, which was also pretty good. I have been making it a point of putting a movie in while doing easy work. I can't sit still long enough to not feel guilty I am taking 2 hours just to watch a movie. It also makes the easy work more enjoyable to do. I think the last time I actually sat and watched something alone without doing something else while watching it was Howl's Moving Castle when I was sick.

Anyway, Harry Potter last book comes out on Saturday. Well, Yesterday at work, I got to man-handled 11 copies of the book. I went cover to cover 22 times making sure the binding doesn't split so I have an interesting collection of snippets in my head, not that anyone of them make much sense, but I suppose there are some spoilers in there. Heheeheee. I should be going to see the new movie tomorrow with my landlady and her brother. I would have gone last night or tonight after class by myself, but it is more enjoyable to watch a movie with someone else. I'll let you guys know what I think at some point.

Well, I best get my butt back to doing school stuff...Be well.

Another weekend gone and past

Well, I have to say I had a great deal of fun this weekend. A couple friends came in from out of town. The one gal and I had a lovely time laughing and talking and in general fooling around. My other friend wasn't so upbeat this weekend due to worrisome issues in his life. In general it was a decent time. I did go to the rose garden again this weekend with them. I love the roses. They are absolutely beautiful even though the beetles decided to come out and much on them as well as mate. I suppose everything has its natural order of things.

Yesterday, I went to Camel Beach with another friend. Though I got slighly fried despite sunscreen, it was a blast. I hope to hang with her again sometime in the near future. Perhaps, we will manage to get to Hershey Park by the end of summer. Right now she is planning her trip to Florida with her family, which sounds awesome.

Today, is basically a catch up day for me. I have school work that I am slightly behing on due to the bugs that still like to stick their tongues out at us and "hahaha". I have managed to find a way around them, "ha, so there". I also have reading I need to do by tomorrow evening. And somewhere in here I will do dance practice and some yoga, which are both fun.

YAY, dance starts back up on Wednesday!!! I missed it so much last week. It is going to be sad when these 8 weeks are over. I am not going to be able to take a dance class for while. I'll survive. I will just have to practice on my own. Besides I have a ton of stuff I will be doing too.

Well, need to get ready for work, chow!

Storytelling Circle and daily news

Well, I have set up an online storytelling blog and youtube account for videos. It seems to have gotten more interest that I thought it would. I am kind of happy about that. If you are interesting in storytelling, you are more than welcome to join. You can e-mail me at storytellerscircle@yahoo.com. I will need your e-mail to be added it to the blog. The blog is www.storytellerscircle.blogspot.com. The Youtube account is storytellerscircle. Check it out if you want.

Work is going pretty good. Things have been extremely busy since school let out, but that's okay. Time seems to pass quicker when you are busy. I love the kids and I love the conversations I get to share with people. Those moments bring to light to my lives.

Today, I went to the store today. There I bought clothes on clearance. I only buy clothes on the clearance rack. Well, today I took a gamble and bought a skirt and a pair of pants in a size 10, which is a size small than I wear now. I suppose I am going to get some dirty looks at that statement. A year and half ago, I was over a 190 lbs and wearing a size 18. I am happy that I managed to lose so much weight. Neither of the articles of clothing have elastic waistbands. The skirt is tight in my hips, but that pants fit perfectly.

Oh, I love yoga. It allows me to move without pain. So I am now going to have to figure out how to keep a yoga class in my schedule.

Ok, I am tired, so I am going to schlep myself off to bed.

Baby Shower and stuff

Today was my sister's baby shower. Everything went along without massive chaos, that is if you don't count the three young boys digging holes in the back yard. I basically took pictures, which was fine by me. In general despite the tension and the snipping that was done, it was an okay time. I am just glad that it is over. Actually, I am really glad that it is over.

Afterwards I went over to a friend's house and played with her dog and two new kitties. They were so soft and cuddly. I almost sort of wish I could have a kitty of my own, but I can't. Landlady says no furry pets. Besides I am allergic to cats and dogs. In addition to that I don't have the time to care for a pet.

After that, I walked off my cake piece at target. I had to pick up cleaning supplies and such, but I did just wander around for awhile. I did pick up a copy of the Stargate movie. I'll be watch that some time, but don't know when. I also popped into Game Stop looking for a computer game or video game I've waited to come down in price. Nothing suited my fancy. It was sort of nice to have the guys working to keep asking me if I needed help. Mind you, I know exactly what I am looking for and don't need help, though it was amusing. I probably know more than most guys think I do about those electronics. At some point I might have to get me a Playstation 3. I also ended up in Fashion Bug. I didn't spend even eight dollars there and got some really nice clearance shirt left over from the winter....Hehehee...cheap. Mind you all these stores are in the same strip mall.

Now, I should probably go do my laundry and clean, then work on school stuff. I really don't want to. I sort of just want to take a nap. Hmmm...nap...yay...but no.

Fly High, Be Well

Life

Life is a series of up and down more significant than the world series or the super bowl. It is up to us to decide how it will be lived. Will we take the downs in stride as we enjoy the ups, or will be allow the downs to bury us alive? Will we choose to serve a higher being or will be choose to analyze the realms of reason and science? Will we impact this world in a positive light or will we choose to spread only negativity? Will we keep striving when we are down on our knees or will we just collapse in a helpless heap? We have so many choices available to us.

We can chose to laugh. We can chose to smile. We can chose to cry. We can chose to scream in rage. We can. It is something inherent to life itself. We can do. We can not do. Simply, that. Through our choices we make or break relationships, we strive to make ourselves better or let ourselves fall, we live in a world where we are constantly stand at a "Y", a "T" or crossroads.

Some people take the easy road. Some step off the beaten path. Some wander down into the valley, while others willingly climb to higher and higher heights. Some paths are rough and fraught with obstecles. Others are as smooth as ice. In general, Life is hard.

The trials of our lives are reflect through our souls. Only unto us is the truest perception of what is endure, the truth that was sought or lost, wisdom found or forgotten, of the joys and sorrows that marked the road.

Life.

It is ours to treasure or to sell short. To follow our dreams or to give up. To seek the wonders of the world or remain locked away.

Life. What will you do with your???

'tis been a couple days

Well, a great deal has happened since shabbos.

First off, the belly dancing show I was in was great. I loved it and wasn't nervous, but I have also performed before. I am going to be signing up for another class. It's fun and I get the exercise I need.

Second off, I finally got a dress for my friend's wedding next month. I scoured about a dozen stores before going to Ross's. I was surprised that I got such a lovely dress for such a cheap cost.

In other news, My little sister's baby shower is this weekend. I am weird about such things. I think baby showers should be after the baby is born. I manage to get a pretty decent present with what money I had to spend. The only downside is the family feud that exists.

I am nursing hurt feelings and disappointment in my one friend. Otherwise, I am avoiding my family, thus I am relatively happy.

I met with the rabbi today and felt like an idiot. I study the material and know it going into the meeting, but once in the meeting, I forget everything. I just don't know why. I am going to study harder in hopes of being able to withstand questioning.

Also, today is a fast day. So I am irritable because I really didn't eat yesterday, which is not good. I have other factors going into this too. Like I didn't sleep much last night. That's what I get for rearranging my room and writing a late night e-mail in an attempt to save myself from myself. It didn't quite work. Oh, well, doesn't matter. And I have that stupid girly time of the month. Joy.

Well, I am going to head off now. I have some stuff I ought to do.