The Stark Ravings of Crazy Woman or Just Plain Wisdom? I will let you decide.

In this world, we are given an undetermined amount of time to make something of ourselves, to create a lasting impression on the hearts around us. What will you be remembered for? Your smile? Your laugh? The way you lived your life? Though life itself is often filled with second chances, we only have one life, one book in which to write our story. Throughout this story, we can choose to make ourselves better or we can let ourselves go. It is our choice. In one hand, our choices form our “destiny”, on the other hand, “destiny” chooses for us. It is a constant role reversal of dominance and subservience. In truth, we can shape our “destiny” even if we cannot choose it.

In this world, we walk a path. This path gets crossed over many times by people that we meet. It changes as events take place opening or showing us new paths in which we can choose to divert. Some roads are easy. Other roads are more difficult. At times are journeys are well illuminated and at other we walk stumbling in the darkness. Through it all we find our way. Through it all, we are searching for ourselves. Sometimes we are faced with joy. At other times, we feel great pain. Both make us stronger.

It is possible to walk a path without knowing its truth. It is possible to make a decision without knowing you have made it. Due to this traveling in innocence, one may get hurt and not understand the source. In that pain, innocence may be lost and filled with bitterness and darkness. However, when the truth is revealed to the pained heart, they stand at a juncture. Do they allow bitterness and hatred turn them down the darken path to hide from the truth or do they allow themselves to embrace the truth despite the uphill path. For hatred is a down hill path, easy to walk, even easy run down. Truth requires a person to climb beyond oneself to higher level.

Truth is not an easy road. It requires risk and sacrifice. However, faith in oneself goes hand in hand with truth. If one has faith in oneself, then truth is not as far in the distance as one would think it should be. It is a still a stretch, but it obtainable. The question is what are you willing to risk? What are you willing to sacrifice? Where is that line that should never be crossed?

That which is fleeting in this world holds no significant truth to the heart. No amount of money, no job, no possessions, nothing that is truly fleeing in this man made world holds a true significance of the heart. People, our friends and our family, they cannot be replaced and at times once broken cannot be completely fixed. That which is fleeting can be replaced or fixed and we continue. Life cannot be replaced. A life cannot be “fixed”. It can only be given the time to heal.

I have not mentioned a word about G-d, until now. Some of you, my friends, are strong in your faith of G-d; others are not. However, what I have said above applies to all. It is my personal belief that G-d is ever present, ever watching orchestrating our paths based upon the decisions we make. Though G-d may not seen to be present, G-d is there somewhere should one open ones’ eyes to search. At times we lose sight of faith and thus, we lose sight of G-d. This does not mean G-d has vanished from our lives. It does not mean G-d hates us. It just simply means we cannot see the truth or the value of the darken moment.
G-d is just. G-d rewards us for the good and punishes the bad as a father would his child. G-d does not call for our destruction, so much as G-d calls for our growth. G-d wants us to learn, to grow closer to him/her. G-d wants us to live not die. G-d wants us to be righteous, to strive to make ourselves better, thus helping those around us.

Now, many of asked me why I am converting to Judaism. I could give the clip answer that I believe Judaism is right and all other religions are wrong. However, that would not be the truth of the heart. Belief. It is the reason. I believe in what I pray. I believe in what I read and how I live my life. It does not seem as foreign as one would think it should be. It is apart of me. Do I believe the other religions are right? No. They are not what I believe, therefore will never be right. Is Judaism right? Well, for me yes, yes it is.

I suppose you are wondering why I have written this. Well, my last meeting with my rabbi has given me a rough timeline for the end of my conversion process. I have been told that my rabbi wishes to take me before the beit din in late December or close to that. For me, I am in the final steps towards becoming a Jew, which I am excited for. However, it is also stressful. There is so much I still need to learn. In addition to that, I will have to move and may have to find a new job. The job situation has yet to be determined. They are fleeting, ever changing things in this world, so despite the fact I am losing something valuable to me; the loss is not greater than what I am gaining.

I do not expect life to be easy. I never have. Everything I have of value, I have worked hard to achieve. Now, I get to see the greatest desires of my heart come to fruition. In truth, I cannot be happier.

It has been said that I am crazy or insane for taking on the conversion process. Perhaps to some I am. Perhaps to some I always will be. I am not crazy, nor am I insane. Frankly, I could not be saner. I have found where truth lays in my own life and I have worked and climbed towards that truth. I will sacrifice what is fleeting in this world and hold on to that which is significant to my own heart. I am willing to take the risk to be myself. I am what I am. I cannot change that fact any more than you can. I can improve myself, but I will always be what “I am” and not something else.

Thank you for your time.