Last day I am 24...

Well, if everything goes as planned Saturday night will be the last night I sleep in my bed in my old apartment. The packing is getting done. I am not doing half bad all by myself. My desk and office are now packed. It fills me with great sadness and frustration that it is packed away, however I will have a better set up where I am going to be despite the fact that I am condensing down to one room. I will be able to network my computers. I have a laptop, which I am currently writing on and a PC just screaming use me. So, I will finally be able to set everything up.

It should not be this difficult to pack up one’s belongings when they are eager to move. However, I have a ton of emotional baggage clubbing me in the face right now like it has for the past two weeks. I don’t have a great deal more to do really. I have sorted most of the stuff out. I know just have to pack it up. I hate the fact that things are going to be so barren. Of course in my new place everything is going to feel so cluttered. I am a dragon by nature, so a nice cozy lair will be just fine.

Well, I am still working on the job situation. I have an interview tomorrow morning at 9. This is a full time position at a daycare so I will be teaching children, which will make me happy. I miss working with children. It even seems they will be flexible with my Friday class, which one of the places was not going to be. If I get this job, it will be able to cover the bills. That is a very god thing.

I finally saw Shrek 3. It was ok. It was definitely not as good as the first one. As for my opinion on the second one, the jury is still out. I need to see the film again. I am going to attempt to watch Evan Almighty tonight, that is if I get my work done and manage to help my friend with her paper. Perhaps I will watch and edit her paper at the same time.

Well, in less than 24 hours I will be 25, a whole quarter century. I am surprised I made it this long.

Winter Break

I am so happy that winter break has finally arrived for, except for the snow and ice. I took my last final on friday, so that means I am still waiting for my grade for that course to come in. I am sort of holding my breath. I was walking a bit of a tight rope in this course so I could get either an A or a B. I am hoping for the former.

My move was delayed a week. The weather made things too dangerous to move. The ice would have killed someone, so I am still comfortably sitting on my bed in my bedroom of the last two years. Basically this means I move after my birthday. I am in no real rush. The annoyance is that I packed up stuff I need for the week so I am going to have to unpack stuff, then repack. Of course I still need to pack up a ton of things. I will eventually get around to it. If I am focused I can get a great deal done.

I love my new camera. It takes wonderful pictures. Sometime over vacation, I will get to play some more. yay

I plan on sewing quite a bit, however that is going to be tough to do until I move. I also need to find a new job. I suppose it is good that I am interviewing for practically a dream position tomorrow, actually later today. I might even get around to reading, or maybe I will just listen to CD books while I sew. That would work for me. I also have some movies I want to get to see.

I am Legend, I have been told is remarkable. I am hoping I do make it to the theater to see it. I also have some new DVD releases to watch. Shrek 3 and Evan Almighty...and potter 5. I might break down and purchase it, however, that will have to wait until I have a better paying job.

Also, in January, I have two weddings to attend. One in NY and one in Maryland. Those will be fun. Another big event is I should be going before the beit din. I will hopefully be Jewish by mid January. At the moment I just waiting for the date.

Things will get interesting once my conversion is complete. I will be able to date again, well, I will be dating once I am comfortable making shabbat for myself and settling into jewish life on the other side of the fence. I don't expect things to be easy, but I will manage. I always do.

Well, I should either go to bed or work on packing some more before bed.

Who Am I to You? (poem)

Who am I to you?
A girl lost, lonely, occasionally blue
Or a woman crying in the night
Too tired to wait till the morning light

What song is there to be sung?
Where upon the Hangman’s gallows the words were hung
Disconnected from this evolving world
No longer holding the gleam of gems and the luster of pearls

Where is the heart of love?
It has been carried away by the springtime Dove.
‘Twas to be stolen in Blind-man’s blink of an eye
Leaving one empty with naught to do but to sigh

When will day break anew?
Not ‘til the heart song rings out true
Shattering, destroying these abysmal walls
Forcing back the wretched tears that so long to call

How is it that I still stand?
The ground trembles in this shadowy land
For no song, no heart nor truth bear credence to reign
But, here I stand soaked in this lonesome pouring rain.

Go where thou wishes, but leave me free
For I am solidly planted, as stalwart as tree
And through cat’s eyed gleam this world I do see
What will be, what shall be, what shall dwell in that place that is me

Who am I to you?
I am what I am to me.
No more, no less,
With song in shadow full of heart and balance of truth.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Ok, so, I have completed one interview (this one at a college library) and I have one to go (JCC). I really want the full time job at the JCC. I want to work with children again. However, if I don't get that job the on at the college will do nicely. I am a good position for both jobs. YES!!

Finals, three down, one to go. So far I have grades for two courses. I am happy about both of them. The one I don't know is going to torture me. My prof in that course is fickle and anal retentive. So, I am not sure I am going to get the A or a B. Given the work I know I have done, I should get the A, but still...my prof is what she is. The last final is in math and that I take tomorrow. If I get an A on the final, I get an A for the course. Yay! Here I thought I would definately going to have a B.

Ok, I should pack because I am moving. Need to do that. Bye

Good Day

Well, I wish I could say that things have calmed down that has enabled me to write so much later, however it is more to the need of my heart to procrastinate. I still have yet to find a way to trick to my heart into actually packing my stuff up. I really do have until the end of the month, but my move out date is the 16th, G-d willing. *sigh* I do want to move, however, I hate change, especially when I am comfortable. Well, I will somehow will. I have about 6 hours before my bedtime to get a great deal accomplished.

The real reason I am writting. I managed to get a job interview at the JCC (Jewish Community Center) for a child care position. They have two positions open. One is a teacher for 18 to 36 months or a floating teacher who works wherever she/he is needed. I do not care which I get. I do not mind so much as I have a paying job that can support me. The only draw back is the position is full time. This means I will have to leave the library. There is no way I can stay at both places, especially with classes. G-d willing, I will be hired and it will make my life far easier. I would be able to walk to work and I would not have to worry about holidays and wrestling to get shabbat off, which has been an issue in the past.

I registered for classes. Due to scheduling, I will have two online courses and two courses on campus. Basically, I will be at school monday nights and friday mornings. This will be nice. I have educational psychology, Intro to music, More foundations of Math (II) and Intro to Special Ed. I have feeling I am going to have a rather decent semester.

Friday class means I can not travel far before shabbat. I am basically still locked into spending Shabbat at home. Oh, well, I am starting to get to know many people in the community, so I rather like it here. Sorry.

My conversion is on schedule. YAY!!

I get to see the play. I already bought my bus ticket. And I have a new camera to take blackma...I mean pictures, memorable pictures to share with whomever I want...

Also, any one interested in helping a dragon succeed in a special plot of destruction against a not so fictional city...please let me know. I have my gunpower mage already and I believe a tactical advisor/orchestrator. hehe...fun fun.

Ok. Time to do real work....no...I don't want to.....

The best laid plans of dragon and men oft go awry

Well, I planned on getting some packing done today, since I did not do any of that sort of thing yesterday or the day before. This is not good. However, I do have all day thursday to do school work, pack things up and whatever else comes up. I might even find a little time tomorrow. I did do something towards my packing efforts. I got some more boxes. Boxes are good.

Hanukah is here!! Yay!! I got to study today, made it through the brachos for lighting on the first night of Hanukah by myself doing a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. I also received a sweet tasty gift. I found that to be yummy. What is even better is that it came in a box I can use to pack stuff in!! It also had peanuts. I kind of felt like tossing those in the air to make a dramatic excited statement, however since I have to clean up the mess, I refrained from doing so. Still they will keep some of my pretty hoard packed away nicely.

Since I had to replace my old camera because it met the fate of Kitty Jones' locker (ie a cat's water dish), I might be taking some pics of my hoard. Yup...I might be testing that baby out thursday, however it takes me weeks, sometimes months to actually post pictures. All of my picture postings are on my myspace and facebook accounts. Some of them are rather good. My artwork through photo editings is pretty good too.

I am still shocked I found an entire gigabite of memory on my computer by deleting useless or duplicate files on my computer. *sigh* I have been cleaning house here because I have a set of corrupted files which threaten the main frame. I am not happy about that, so I have remove the tumorous problem, thus losing some of my files. Using a loop hole I might be able to save some of my pictures that didn't get duplicated over in other sets of files. Man, at times, I love e-mail. It may be long and tedious to attatch 14 files to an e-mail at a time, but it is saving my pics for me.

Of course I should be sleeping right about NOW!!

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day too. Urg. Well, my classes should be a breeze...I think....ewwww...research project presentation.....not look forward to that. not at all. Then I get a break, need to register for classes, set up a job interview, wrap gifts for TESA adopted family, and what else...oh eat lunch...that would be good. Then five hours of work. Maybe I should bring my CD player and music. Hey that sounds like a good idea. In fact CD player is in car, just need my headphones, CD case and adapter.... Wow isn't is wonderful how things can come together when you complain to yourself.

Ok, must go to bed...must can't stay awake any longer.

Howdy

Yeah, shocker, I am writting two days straight. What's the occassion? Well, that would be the fact that I am being a major slacker.

Hmmm....why the heck does it have to be so cold?? I want my fall back. We barely had fall this year. May favorite are those first cool breeze that teases the colored leaves while they desperate cling to their trees. I do not mind winter either, however, this frozen cold is a little too much too early. Winter does not start officially until December 21st. Grumble.

Now Summer, she lingered beyond her time. Winter, she ushered in her blankets of snow before Fall could orchestrate the dropping of the leaves. He is upset that his usually brisk breezes have turned frigid in an attempt to get us to remember him. I am missing Spring's warth as he tries to coax Summer into dancing for him. She lights up and heats up the days as she dances for us knowing she will receive the Fall's applause. Still, though he is pleased with Summer's dance, he is still upset that he did not get to preform his magic for Winter. In her impatiences, she has brought us snow and he is still calling after her, thus the winds remain chilled.

Sorry if that makes no sense to you. I am a writer and sometimes I just get carried away. That is what I need to do more of -- write. I haven't seriously sat down to write anything but papers for school. I have stories brusting out of me, but no where to go. *sigh*

Well, I am off to find warmth.

Um...I did not forget about my blog, honest!!!

Hello, everyone,

I have just been uber busy. Like super uber busy and the thanksgiving holiday didn't help unstress anything. However, I finally have a free moment that I have time to devote to a nice long blog. YAY!! I know it just warms your hearts on a snowy day like today, right??

Well, my conversion to Judaism is nearly complete. In fact somewhere in the next four to six weeks I should be going before the beit din. So, I am excited about that. I am studying/practicing my hebrew with friends. I am getting much better. I just don't understand what I reading. I need someone to translate, but I starting to get a handle on new words.

I am moving December 16th to allentown. This was a requirement for my conversion, however it will also be easier on me. I work and go to school in the allentown area which means I should not have to spend so much money on gas. YAY!! I am kind of excited to be living some places new, however I will miss having a place to myself, though it has gotten rather lonely somedays. It will be nice to share a place with someone and still have privacy. The one thing I absolutely have to have is privacy. I am a dragon who needs her space.

Also I am in the process of finding a higher paying job. I have two options on the table. G-d willing, one of them will come through. The one is at a university library, the other is at the Jewish Community Center. Either would be great for me. For right now, I am at reduced hours at the library and frankly I don't mind because I know have my shabbats like I should have had all along.

Let's see. I should be packing, but I am not. I am online writing this and talking to people on aim. I have a great deal of time this week to do stuff. This is my last week of classes for the semester and it is followed up with finals. I only have finals on that monday and friday. However, I have two finals on monday and a play to get to in NY sometime that week. The unfortunate thing about monday is my one final starts at 7:30 am. I am not happy at that in the least. Nope. Hopefully I can get my speech done and over with and then relax until psych. I am sort of dreading the Math Exam...ewwww....math and I are not mixing so well.

Oh, I have to register for classes too. I was holding off to hear back on the jobs on the table. Of course, I can always regisiter and then change my classes if need be. Or I can just take a bunch of online stuff, but that is no fun. Well, it sort of is...but I like being in a classroom with people. I have to talk another math course and I have to take a science with a lab at some point. I am not sure when that is going to happen, but I have the summer to work on that too as well as next fall.

Lets see what else. I did get to watch a couple movies while studying. And when I was sick I watched Miss Potter. I liked that a great deal.

Oh, earlier this month I danced at a hafla. That was fun. I will eventually get my DVD of that.

Wow...time is sure going by quickly...

Movies and Such

I have been forcing myself to catch up on some of the movies I have been wanting to see, say I am going to watch, but never take the time. Over the years, I have naturally learned to multi task, so I often try to do something constructive while watching the movie, since I have difficulties sitting and doing absolutely nothing for two hours when I know I should be doing something else.

I have watch Memoirs of Geisha for a second time. I have seen Interview with a Vampire for the first time. Music and Lyrics with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. And hopefully I will get to Happy Feet tonight. I have been meaning to watch the peguin movie.

I have also made a ton of cranes for a craft faire. I still have some work on them and a little time to do it in, so I am pleased there. I am also making doll (angels or fairies as you wish.). Those are turning out too. They will not take me long to finish.

Other than I am still searching for a second part time job and a place to live with in walking distance of my shul. I am doing pretty good. My hebrew is coming along too. I am teaching myself and occassionally I get help from friends.

Well, I am busy, but hopefully I will be able to post more reguarly.

Life since we last met

Well, I have been beyond busy. My conversion is nearly finished. I just need to move into the surrounding area around the shul, set up home. Oh, I am going to have to find another part time job, since I will have to give hours up at the library now that I can no longer work saturdays. Oh, well, may I find something good. Perhaps I will be a tutor and do something with the education I am getting. In addition to that, I am getting crafts together for a craft faire in two weeks. May I make some extra money. I could use a little extra cash. Oh, and getting everything finished would be great too.

School has kept my time tied up too. I am holding my own despite my family and depression. Somehow I am at least keeping a decent B average in each of my classes. I doubt I am going to get anything better than a B in my math course. I get so tripped up. I don't have the patience to deal with numbers. Though I have always wanted to be an elementary teacher, probably 2nd or 3rd grade, I might think about being an English or History teacher. It is a possibility. I do still want to get my Library Science degree by that is years and years away.

Though I could graduate with my associates by the end of the summer, I am thinking I might stay at LCCC to grab extra credits towards my BA. I might be there another half year and go for a winter graduation. That would work for me.

I have been to Faerie Con and PA Ren Faire. I have yet to speak on either of these and deserve their own entry, so hopefully I will get around to that soon. Perhaps I shall post some pictures or maybe even a video.

This too probably deserves its own post. But, yesterday marked my second year of freedom. It has been two years filled with pain, sorrow, strife, grief, joy, happiness, light and darkness, tears, laughter, depression and so much more. I am nothing more than a faceted ball trying to figure out what I should feel and when. Two years. For as much as I am found, I am still journeying lost. I found truth, latched onto it for dear life. My future lies within that truth. My happiness has always been there. It is through truth that I has any happiness in years of death that I survived. I know this probably does not make much sense given the vagueness of my statements. For this I am sorry.

I should be proud for making it on my own. I should be happy. Yet, I am empty. I feel lost. I hurt and don't know why. I still can't escape from the painful light that chooses to sear me to a soft darkness glowing with the softly colored lights of happy memories. *sigh* perhaps one day.

The Stark Ravings of Crazy Woman or Just Plain Wisdom? I will let you decide.

In this world, we are given an undetermined amount of time to make something of ourselves, to create a lasting impression on the hearts around us. What will you be remembered for? Your smile? Your laugh? The way you lived your life? Though life itself is often filled with second chances, we only have one life, one book in which to write our story. Throughout this story, we can choose to make ourselves better or we can let ourselves go. It is our choice. In one hand, our choices form our “destiny”, on the other hand, “destiny” chooses for us. It is a constant role reversal of dominance and subservience. In truth, we can shape our “destiny” even if we cannot choose it.

In this world, we walk a path. This path gets crossed over many times by people that we meet. It changes as events take place opening or showing us new paths in which we can choose to divert. Some roads are easy. Other roads are more difficult. At times are journeys are well illuminated and at other we walk stumbling in the darkness. Through it all we find our way. Through it all, we are searching for ourselves. Sometimes we are faced with joy. At other times, we feel great pain. Both make us stronger.

It is possible to walk a path without knowing its truth. It is possible to make a decision without knowing you have made it. Due to this traveling in innocence, one may get hurt and not understand the source. In that pain, innocence may be lost and filled with bitterness and darkness. However, when the truth is revealed to the pained heart, they stand at a juncture. Do they allow bitterness and hatred turn them down the darken path to hide from the truth or do they allow themselves to embrace the truth despite the uphill path. For hatred is a down hill path, easy to walk, even easy run down. Truth requires a person to climb beyond oneself to higher level.

Truth is not an easy road. It requires risk and sacrifice. However, faith in oneself goes hand in hand with truth. If one has faith in oneself, then truth is not as far in the distance as one would think it should be. It is a still a stretch, but it obtainable. The question is what are you willing to risk? What are you willing to sacrifice? Where is that line that should never be crossed?

That which is fleeting in this world holds no significant truth to the heart. No amount of money, no job, no possessions, nothing that is truly fleeing in this man made world holds a true significance of the heart. People, our friends and our family, they cannot be replaced and at times once broken cannot be completely fixed. That which is fleeting can be replaced or fixed and we continue. Life cannot be replaced. A life cannot be “fixed”. It can only be given the time to heal.

I have not mentioned a word about G-d, until now. Some of you, my friends, are strong in your faith of G-d; others are not. However, what I have said above applies to all. It is my personal belief that G-d is ever present, ever watching orchestrating our paths based upon the decisions we make. Though G-d may not seen to be present, G-d is there somewhere should one open ones’ eyes to search. At times we lose sight of faith and thus, we lose sight of G-d. This does not mean G-d has vanished from our lives. It does not mean G-d hates us. It just simply means we cannot see the truth or the value of the darken moment.
G-d is just. G-d rewards us for the good and punishes the bad as a father would his child. G-d does not call for our destruction, so much as G-d calls for our growth. G-d wants us to learn, to grow closer to him/her. G-d wants us to live not die. G-d wants us to be righteous, to strive to make ourselves better, thus helping those around us.

Now, many of asked me why I am converting to Judaism. I could give the clip answer that I believe Judaism is right and all other religions are wrong. However, that would not be the truth of the heart. Belief. It is the reason. I believe in what I pray. I believe in what I read and how I live my life. It does not seem as foreign as one would think it should be. It is apart of me. Do I believe the other religions are right? No. They are not what I believe, therefore will never be right. Is Judaism right? Well, for me yes, yes it is.

I suppose you are wondering why I have written this. Well, my last meeting with my rabbi has given me a rough timeline for the end of my conversion process. I have been told that my rabbi wishes to take me before the beit din in late December or close to that. For me, I am in the final steps towards becoming a Jew, which I am excited for. However, it is also stressful. There is so much I still need to learn. In addition to that, I will have to move and may have to find a new job. The job situation has yet to be determined. They are fleeting, ever changing things in this world, so despite the fact I am losing something valuable to me; the loss is not greater than what I am gaining.

I do not expect life to be easy. I never have. Everything I have of value, I have worked hard to achieve. Now, I get to see the greatest desires of my heart come to fruition. In truth, I cannot be happier.

It has been said that I am crazy or insane for taking on the conversion process. Perhaps to some I am. Perhaps to some I always will be. I am not crazy, nor am I insane. Frankly, I could not be saner. I have found where truth lays in my own life and I have worked and climbed towards that truth. I will sacrifice what is fleeting in this world and hold on to that which is significant to my own heart. I am willing to take the risk to be myself. I am what I am. I cannot change that fact any more than you can. I can improve myself, but I will always be what “I am” and not something else.

Thank you for your time.

Wings Away

Well, I managed to finish the wings. They are glittery purple. Heeheee...they'll look cute at fairy con. It is amazing what you can do with broken wings feather and glitter paint. End result looks more exspensive then the orginal. Yippie!!!

Anyway, the real reason for posting again is to avoid practicing my speech. I hate speech class. Unfortunately, it is a requirement to graduate. Grumble...grumble. I really, really don't want to do my speech tomorrow. Hopefully I get to go firstish and get it over with. I hate the feeling of impending doom. We have to do a demonstration speech. We are forbidden to write it out. We do everything off of an outline. The method is interesting and seems to work, however, my prof has herself up on a pedestal and throws hissy fits in class about the stupidest things. Oh, well, not all teachers are winners in the likable department.

I have also come to the conclusion that my perfect batting average is going to fall miserably. There is no way I am going to get an A in my math course. I have just been out of math for too long to make my mind remember why and how things works. I can solve most problems, but I am having so much difficultly getting my brain to work. Damn wiring!!! Anyway, I will keep working my butt off to get a B. A C is simply unacceptable.

If I wasn't buried in enough work, I have finally put my proposals in for my honors projects. Ultimately they will take me a sunday each once I have the research finished.

Oh, I have a new nephew. His name is Jasper.

Okay, I have slacked enough.

Wings, wings, carry me away

I am headed back to a regular schedule. There are no more holidays until the spring. Well, there is Hanukah, but that doesn’t really count. All I have to do is light candles every night. It is so nice to have a holiday where I am allowed to set something on fire. Anyway, I survived the holiday season, slightly bruised, but otherwise all right.

Yesterday I slept 15 hours. Yep, I slept straight through Saturday. Well, I did wake up to do the essentials. My body loudly told me that I was going to get some sleep, so I did. I got up around 7 pm and did some schoolwork and housework before returning to bed. I did, however, get up this morning at 9 am. Yup, a 9 am wake up for me.

Today, I cleaned and cleaned. Then, I ran some errands, which included finding black feathers and glitter paint. I am currently fixing up my sister’s old wings. Next week I am going to Fairy Con with a friend of mine and I wanted wings. However, I am relatively broke, so that left me playing with hot glue and feathers. I must say, they turned out quite well. I am going to add some glitter paint so the feathers sparkle. I like sparkle. Yet, now that I have basically finished that, I am back to schoolwork and house cleaning. Perhaps I will get to watch an episode of Rome or watch a movie. Hmmm…that sounds like fun.

Prolonged Absense

I am sorry I have been gone for so long. I will probably be gone for a long while to come.

Rosh Hashana was a blast. I loved being at services. Also, I spent time with friends and their family. All in all, it was very enjoyable. This also marked the one year anniversary of my decision to convert to Judaism.

Yom Kippur was interesting. Long and interesting. I spent most of the time praying or sleeping during the fast.

Succos, despite a bit of showers, it was great eating in the succah. Also, it was another holiday spent with friends.

Things are a bit tough. I am doing okay. School and work dominates most of my time. Every night I am busy beyond belief. I still have my staff to finish. I have to figure out how to get the super glue residue off. I have a feeling I will be playing with nail polish remover to do so.

Today, I finally got my stuff out of storage. There is stuff in there still, but I managed to get the stuff that I wanted. I now have my grandmother's china, my prom and semi dress, my dolls and other breakables. I am very fortunate that a friend of mine helped me, otherwise I wouldn't have managed to get any of it completed. At the moment my car is full of stuff. So, over the next couple of days I am going to be busy trying to figure out where to put all that stuff in my apartment.

Well, I probably will not be back for a while. I will try. Until then, Be Well!

Staff Works

YAY!!!

A year ago, I bought a staff at the NY Ren Faire. Later that season at the PA Ren Faire, it went boom and the pretty crystal on top went smashed. I finally got over to Lost River Caverns and got the one thing I could use to fix, crystal cement. Though, I could have used super glue it would not have come out so nice. So, today I found out how much of the globe I would be able to fix and was pleased to find that I could fix most of it. Since, I already knew there would be a rather large hole left, I have been thinking of putting something in the crystal globe. At the Allentown fair I went gem mining with my friend, thus I had a bunch of tiny stones. In addition to that, I purchased more little gem stones at the caverns. I am going to stick them into my staff to create a dragon's den or lair. The stones will be my imaginary little dragon's horde. Heehee. I love being a writer.
By the way, it wasn't so hard to fix it either. It was rather easy despite getting the glue all over my fingers. It isn't as bad as super glue though. I hate super glue on my fingers.

Other than doing school work, I am redecorating. I am playing with my curtains. Fun Fun. In my room, I have a canopy bed which I have curtains surrounding it. I love the effect. It makes me feel all nice and secure in my own little lair.

Well, my school work is calling me. I must go.

'Tis been a while

Sorry about disappearing, it happens. I am currently busy with work and school. With the High Holy days coming up, I am definately going to be out of contact. Anyway, things are going fairly well for me.

Labor Day weekend was nice. I visited the Allentown fair with a friend. That was fun. I always enjoy looking at the arts and crafts, as well as the shows. I did a bit of gemstone mining. I also found a necklace and earring set for my belly dancing costume.

On Labor Day Monday, I went to the PA Ren faire with a bunch of friends. I wore the costume that I made. Shakespeare grabbed me to play Juliet which was fun. I got to apart of the show. I also danced with gypsies as well learning peasant circle dances. All in all it was great.

This week basically has been about school and work. Next week will be about Rosh Hashana. The New Year, that lasts two days. Yay!!

Ok, I've got work to do. Bye-bye.

On Faith

For those of you who know, you have known for a while that I am converting to Judaism. Some people were really happy about this, others were don't do it, and still other were like did you think this through. Well, I thought it through. I thought about it for a very long time. Probably in manys ways I have thought about faith, devotion, religion, and God for a very, very long time, in fact my whole life.

I always belived in God whether or not I knew him/her by name. That is another story for another day. If you wish to know you may ask me. I have always been spiritual in the sense of knowing there is a direct connection between God and me. There were things I believed just on the princple of faith and others that I searched for the answers and meanings. All my life, I have been walking down this path many times without knowing it.

I suppose everyone is wondering where this is coming from. Today, I read and entry in an old blog of mine. It is one of those things that made me realize religiously, I have been walking on the path I have now actively choosen to make a reality. Meaning my conversion. Before I met everyone in New York, before I ever went to Shul. I had laid out my beliefs vowing that when I found the place where I belonged, that I would indeed act upon it. It took months before I finally allowed myself to accept what had so graciously been placed before me. I was spiteful to both sides. I hate being told what do or more especially what I should believe. Thus, people started pushing me around and I disliked that.

On Rosh Hashana of last year, I was alone and left to my own devices. In the absences of white noice I made the decision to convert. Whether I converted or not, I would have been attending shul for the rest of my life. I would be keeping the shabbat dear to me. I have always kept it dear, though practice never reflected it. It was something I knew existed and longed to hold and keep sacred, but never was I allowed to feel its beauty until I first came to NY. Something I had been searching for years and years was finally granted to me. I refused to let it go.

With Rosh Hashana coming up, I am reflecting once more upon my life. This past year has been an interesting dynamic of good and bad, light and dark, joy and sorrow, however, I can say it was good year. I grew. I learned alot about myself. I also started to remember for the first time, the girl that I was. Due to great nightmares, I locked away my memories because they were too painful to recall, even the good. This year, I started to remember, thus I started to understand. Because I am secure with my decisions I am making now, I am able to explore a yesterday and reconcil it. I know I am doing the right thing, that I am where I should be. Somedays it hurts because I want so much more, I want to be further, yet it is a comfort knowing I am doing something right by me and by God.

I don't know when my conversion is going to be complete, but I do know that this journey I am on will never end. I will always be presented with oppertunities to grew and to learn. May the wisdom I have been granted through the expriences with me only grow, so that I may when others seek it be able to help. I've seen both sides of this world, the good and the bad. I know the difficulties it can present. Being Jewish isn't easy, but in truth living the life I was living without Judaism is far more difficult. Faith and Belief needed a home. I was an outsider to what my family presented to me. Now I feel safe, that I am finally coming home.

Despite being a private person, I have started to share things bottled up in me. No one knows what I don't want them to know. Anything that is private that I speak about it kept between the parties involved. I keep my secrets. My conversion, my beliefs, however, I keep open book on. I want people to understand my decision and have respect for it. To do so, those people need to hear what I believe and my reasons why.

Well, this is all I have to say for now On Faith.

Grumbles

Ok, I thought I was going to bed an hour and half ago. I was tired. I am still tired, but instead of sleeping like I wanted, I am up. In fact I am currently cleaning my apartment while listening to Andrea Bocelli's new CD Amor. I am enjoying the music. He has a such a lovely voice. Anyway, back to the point, I should be sleeping, yet I am here posting.

Classes have started. Work has begun. So far, I am not behind. Later today, I will be working on school work to stay caught up and get ahead while I am doing my laundry. In addition to that work, I hope to finally get my spring scholarship stuff sent off. Of course, I have to finish writing the essay first. Joy.

In the middle of everything I already had to do I slipped over to best buy and got myself an external hard drive. This way if my wonderful computer crashes again giving me both the blue and the black screens of death, my pictures will be safe. YAY!!! The best part about the hard drive was it was on sale. I always like when things are on sale. Also, I have no excuse for not writing which was the purpose of the laptop in the first place. However, after the first crash I have been afraid to put anything like that on my hard drive for fear of losing valuable work.

I haven't been writing lately. Must get back to that.

Off to clean again. Have a nice day or night, whichever you want.

I Survived!!

I survived my first day back. Well, I knew that I would, however, having only 2.5 hours of sleep can make any ordinary task interesting or difficult to say the least. In me, it was more like, hyper. This is the kind of hyper where if I start talking fast enough, I sometimes sound like I have been sucking on helium. Hehheee.

So far, I like my classes. The Profs seem reasonable and the work isn't that bad. In fact, I am going to be trying to Honors projects for two of my classes. This means more work. You people are saying I am crazy. I thought I established that I was crazy when I said I was converting to Judaism (modern orthodox style). Anyway, there are no honors classes at the college, however, between a student and a professor an honors project can be agreed on. It is more work for the prof, as well as student, thus the reason I have not heard about it until now. This is disappointing since I was an honors/AP student in high school. I am very surprised, disappointed, and vexed that my advisor didn't say anything about the Honors Experience on campus. She knew of my current academic standings. Grrr-bles.

In other news, in my first class, a guy nearly toppled, desk and all, into me. That was interesting. Yes, a very interesting way to meet people. In my second, class I went for a tour of the education department, found rooms full of interesting gadgets and toys, joined a club, ate cookies (yum cookies) and ran into a hardcore Rennie who reads OOTS (Order of the Stick) {online comic...inserting link here.... www.giantitp.com }. Yay!! In my last class of the day, I found out about the honors program.

I managed to get through work and going out with a friend I haven't seen in about 3 weeks.

Today, I went to work nearly dead. I HATE ALLERGIES!!!! (and my . ) I am alive now. I started feeling better after being medicated. hate medicine, but it is a nessassary evil. After work I met with my Rabbi and had a delightful meeting with him. Yes, I said delightful. Those of you who know me, know I hate meetings with anyone. Fun gatherings is one thing, hanging out is one thing, meetings are another and they are scary in my work. So, I had a delightful meeting and I will have a seat for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. YAY!!!! YIPPIE!!!

Then I went to the used bookstore. I love books. Spent money. One cannot simply go into a bookstore and not buy books. Then I went to a discount store Ollies. I found more books. I love books. Spent more money on books, a new pillow, a curtain (to match one at home), and nice, nice 300 count Egyptian cotton sheets. They are so soft....**off in my own little world**

Sorry about that. Yes, the sheets are soft, that's why I got them. I collect swords and books. I also love curtains and sheets. In general, I love soft, pretty fabric. Thus, the reason why I love curtains and sheets. :)

So, I've got school work to do. Rome to watch. Dinner to eat. A bed to make. And whatever else my heart fancies.

Toodles.

Sunday, Sunday...

Well, actually it is now Monday. So, Monday, Monday...as the song goes. Anyway, it was an interesting day. I have been a very pessimistic mood today. Waspish.

I got my dress finished and it look nice. Technically finished. I still have to clean up the seams, but the dress itself is complete. WOOT!! It took a bit more effort today than it should have. I have come to the conclusion that I have a demon in my sewing machine. So, I am pleased that the dress is finished. Now, I am working on another costume. I managed to get pretty far with the skirt. I just have to do the waist band. Not bad for an hour and half of work. I still have pants to make and a top, but that might take a little while.

I should be in bed, but I am having difficulty sleeping. So what do I do? I go on my computer and see what sort of trouble I can get into. Oh, by the way, I have an 8 am class tomorrow. Yeah, I am going to be dead tired by the time I am done with work at 9pm. I'll deal. I always seem too.

My mom's birthday party was today. It was the second one. So, it was a waste of time. I was barely noticed despite the lack of a mulitude of guests. Over top of that I was insulted or demeand most of the time I was there. Of all the people present, I seem to be the only one who knows how to actually cut a cake. *rolling eyes* So, yeah,... I should have stayed home.

Oh, well, on the way home I picked up a new USB cable for my camera. Now I can upload videos and pictures. So that is what I have been doing since I came home. I have spent a ton of time putting my picture files in order. Also, I wanted the Painted Veil. It was a very good movie. It is a love story and it is sad, but very good. Nice bit ending, despite the sadness involved.

I am hoping to get the belly dancing music I had a friend order for me so she could get points on Amazon. Yay!! More music!!! Something to practice too!!! YIPPIE!! Ok, now the whole world and seriously tell I am tired. I suppose it is bedtime at last.

Take care

More Sewing Fun!!

Well, I managed to get up and sew this morning, though not as early as I would have liked to, but it was one of the last days before classes resume that I could sleep in. I managed to get both sleeves sewn in. I have to finish the bell portion, sew accents and tackle the front. Not much work left at all. This will definately be done before labor day. I plan on starting the other costume either this afternoon or tomorrow night. If not then, I should be able to get pretty far on sunday.

I am a bit sad. I only have two more episodes of Rome to watch in Season One, then of course there is Season Two. That will probably take much, much longer since I will be full time school and near full time work. I will be wondering when I will actually find sleep, if that is at possible.

Disclaimer for the prudes of society, there is much nakedness and actually sexual action, so you made not want to watch ROME. It is a great protrayal of Roman life or what it was believed to be. The acting is great. The storyline is interesting. HBO did a good job. I can't wait to see the second season.

Shabbat Shalom

Sewing Fun!!

Well, other than working and getting my car fixed, I have been sewing and watching ROME. The sewing and TV watching is basically done together since I can't sit still to watch a movie or show when I am alone. Frankly, I have difficulty sitting with other present. The only place I don't have that problem is the movie theater. Weird. I am not paying to sit and just watch a movie with a bunch of strangers when I can sit, watch and sew or knit or other fun stuff for free.

So anyways, I am working on a dress. I have the skirt complete (with a couple mistakes, but we are not going to discuss those right...or I might be in a mindset to BBQ) with hem. All I have left to do is sleeves and the front of the dress. Meaning, I am mostly done. This means, if...big if...I get to work on it prior to shabbat, I might get it finished and another piece started. I am really hoping to get a bunch of stuff sewn before I go back to class on Monday. Sadly, one of those items is not going to be my Kimono. That's okay. The pieces I am working on now I hope to be able to wear labor day. So these items are a bit more pressing, though I am not hurrying to sew anything. I want to enjoy myself. :) This is for relaxation, which is not something I get often.

I hopefully will have pics up once the projects are complete.

Sweet Dreams.

Hmmm...such is life

Well, my car has finally passed inspection. I spent 4 hours at the garage today waiting for the repairs to be done. Other than paying out far more than I had to spend, I got to keep my defective dashboard. It sits on the floor in front of the passenger seat. Except for the miledge being about 20,000 miles off, it is running perfectly. YAY!!! Happy Car = Happy ME!!

In other news, this being sad news, a childhood friend of mine has passed away. I am currently in a state of rememberance and oddly enough peace. I am sad, but these things are according to Hashem's judgement. I shall miss him.

I am currently watching the HBO series ROME. I am saw most of the first season when it first aired for my Western Civ class two years ago. I missed a couple episodes, so I am happy to finally be able to see the whole thing without interruptions. Since I can't seem to sit still to watch to TV, I began a sewing project, which should be done by before I want it.

Hmmm....I am hoping to go to PA Ren Faire on Labor Day. I am not sure I am going, however there is a group of friends that I want to go with. I know I will be returning to the PA Faire most likely in mid to late september or october with another group of friends. I have spoken of my desire to go to the faire with other friends, though I have also said that I kind of plan on doing my own thing, which means carrying my cell on me with it set to vibrate of loudest ringer when not in a show. I really want to just take in the shows that I want to see and wander the shoppes at my pace. This time around I am not going as a belly dancer, so I won't be dancing. Well, if it gets hot I will be wearing that costume since it is the coolest of my costumes.

In general, I am ready to go back to classes. They resume on Monday. I sort of need my valid excuse for not doing things back. I have found out that I really have no idea what to do with myself when I have time on my hands. For years, I have trained myself to get stuff done when I have practically no time, that I lack focus when I do. Hmm....need to work on relaxation more.

Well, I shall be leaving you all for now,
Be well.

Vacation update

So, I decided to return to NYC after being home about 42 hours to do work and fulfill obligations. I considered this vacation. Upon returning to NY last thursday, I crashed. Friday morning, a friend and I checked out the mythology exhibit at the American Musuem of Natural History. It was well worth the visit. I love the work that they put into it. I would have liked to have seen more and more stuff that I didn't already known. Of course, I am a big fantasy geek, so they would have probably had to so a great deal more research that would have been a little much for the general populace.

I spent shabbos with friends, which was great. After shabbos, I found out how much weight/inches I have lost since my one corset for ren faire doesn't fit any more. It is too big. Well, I can make it work still, but I didn't have the costuming needed. 'tis a good thing I brought my belly dancing costume with me. At least I had something to wear. Yes, I am complaining about losing weight. Nothing is more vexing than having just bought clothes to fit you and you are steadily gaining room in them. My wallet is hurting, however the body is feeling much better and I feel SEXY, D@&* it!

Ren Faire was lovely, but too hot. I melted. I knew I would. I get sick in the heat, that is why I love my air conditioned cave so much. :) It was not a happy feeling when my head is killing me and my body doesn't move on command, nor is the constant senstation that I am going to throw up. I was whinning. I normally just complain, but this time I was whinning, which is consquently better than not being able to do either. Not being able to do either is serious. I am practically dead to the world.

So, Monday morning, I was up bright and early, oh 9 am. Yes, that is early. Any thing before ten am is early. Before eight is unbearable. Work went well. I am so happy that the summer reading club is over. I don't like the flood of materials back in, since we will have no place to put it all. *sigh* can't win for losing.

In other news, my classes are over. I got good grades. Now in ten days, I start my full fall schedule. I am basically going to be out of touch with the world. I am going to be cave bound studying. Just because I am taking on more classes doesn't mean I can let my GPA slip. In all seriousness, I cannot under any circumstances trade my GPA for fun. I have to work to keep it and it will be one of those things that is going to allow me to transfer to the schools I want and possibly get lovely scholarships to pay for my education that I can't afford.

I spent today getting my car inspection. It failed. I knew it would. My speedometer broke. It has to be fixed. I did pass emmissions. I have until the end of the month to get it fixed and the one other thing broke on my car. The grand bill will be over four hundred dollars. Oh, well, I have to keep my car running. I actually expected worse, so I can't really complain to loudly about that.

I also spent time with a dear friend of mine who is going off to college tomorrow. I shall miss her, but she is only going to be two hours away. I thought she was going further. At least I got to spend time with her and a couple of other friends that I haven't seen in a while. All in All it was a good night.

Well, I am heading off to bed. I am too tired to stay awake. For some reason though, I don't type half bad when I am dead tired. YAY!! Take care!

Weekend Report

Saturday, I drove to Teaneck to stay with friends who were also going to the same wedding I was attending Saturday afternoon. We decided to watch a movie at the local movie theater. En Eve un Rose, (sorry about the spelling) It was great movie of Edith Piaf and her music. It was a sad film in many ways, but also a trimphant.

Sunday was the wedding was lovely. My friend made a wonderful bride. The food was great, the dancing was fun. It was well worth the trip.

Monday, I went to the American Museum of Natural History with a small group of friend. It was super fun when my one friend joined us there. I didn't get to see the exhibit I wanted to, but will most likely see it this coming friday with other friends. I am determined to see the Mythology exhibit.

I have to go now. I need to go get tickets for something tonight.

Coming events

Well, my trip to Queens turned out pretty good. I am allowed to continue my conversion which is great. Basically, it is a matter of time. Once I learn everything and can apply it, I will be going before the beit din (the court) and they will judge me. If they see me fit, then I will dunk myself in the mikvah and will be Jewish all the rest of the days of my life. YAY!!

My friend is getting married on Sunday in NY, so I shall be attending. It is a formal Jewish Orthodox wedding. This means there will be plenty of dancing. This is only the second wedding I have attended in my life, which seems a bit sad. At least there are many more to look forward to since several of my friends are currently engaged and planning their weddings.

On Monday, I will be heading to the American Museum of Natural History to see the Mythology exhibit. All of my friends, it seems, have already gone and checked it out. I invited a bunch of people to go with me, but even if no one else goes, I am going. More often then not, I have to take myself places, since my friends are too busy for me. Hmmm.... *Thoughts trail off here*

I should be back in town on tuesday for work, but I did schedule the day off in case I can't make it in. I don't know why it has to be such a hassle to take the vacation time that I have earned. Oh, well, we'll see what happens.

At the moment I should be cleaning and packing. So, fare thee well for now.

Stuff that has been happening...

Harry Potter arrived. I have managed to read most of it. I am trying to finish it. In fact, it should be done by saturday if all goes well.

I went to NY for a friend's bridal shower and wedding planning fun, which was great. That was the weekend of Potter Mania. Everyone seemed really happy to see me. I got to meet some great new people. We also went hat shopping. I won't be needing to do that for a couple years.

This past shabbos was lovely and very restful. I am going to be studying with someone on wednesday and possibly thursday due to a scholar program at the shul. It will be nice and beneficial to my conversion studies.

I visited my Aunt and Uncle yesterday with my sister, her boyfriend and my nephew. It was a great time despite the rain and second guessing directions. Also we ran across a ghost cop. I had this cop following me out on 32 for the longest time. Then he suddenly disappeared with no turn signal or anyone noticing he turned. I was watching out my rearview for him and my sister's boyfriend was staring out my sideview mirror. He was just gone.

Tomorrow, I will be going to Queens with my Rabbi to meet another rabbi connected to the beit din. He is interviewing me about my conversion so far and my reasons for doing this. I am getting slightly nervous because I hate one on one meetings with any man of power. It is really intimidating for me. Also, this man can shut down my conversion. I don't plan on allowing that to happen without digging my heels into the ground. I have to figure out some way in to tricking my mind into thinking this rabbi is one of my close friends, since I don't tell strangers my personal business.

Well, It has been about 7 months of study now, though I first started the whole process nine months ago and made the decision 11 months ago. I figure I have at least another five or six months and then possibly more than that. I don't forsee my conversion being final before mid to late spring no matter how much I know.

My conversion is probably one of the most important things I have done with my life. People have always told me to follow my dreams and what I believe. Well, I am. I am following what I believe. I never made sense in the Christian religion, no matter what sect. I don't believe there can be an intermediary between a person and G-d. I just don't. It bothered me. I don't believe in the trinity either, father, son and holy spirit. I believe in One. G-d is One.
I hold the spirit of shabbos sacred. It is my favorite portion of me week, my time to be even closer to G-d. Sitting in a church, there wasn't a closeness, if anything I felt further away. I knew I didn't belong. They knew I didn't belong either because I didn't believe, but they kept trying even though I tried to follow my mother's expectations and up hold her diginity and status in the community. I was considered a member of their church. I never should have been. I remember sitting thinking the pastor was wrong about things. There was no discussion about anything. Everyone followed blindly like lost sheep.
I made myself a promise when I left my mother's church (we only went there a year, there is a long involved story that I am not getting into) that I would not stay in place where I did not feel I belonged. I would not go to a place of worship where I didn't feel comfortable with myself and my beliefs. Well, I search through religions for four or five years. I tried other Christian sects still trying to be the good Christian my mother wanted me to be and will never be. I search other as well.
I had basically given up. I figured there was no one other that that held core beliefs I have held all of my life. Then, I came into town for a YU play shabbaton and went to services. Things were explained to me. I got so lost that shabbos and it was intimidating. Highly intimidating. I am not sure it was because the services was in a different language I wasn't familiar with or just the fact that things were drastically different. It was was a strange feeling standing at shul. It was the first time in over five years that I felt peace. In all the chaos of being lost, I was at peace. I was bubbling over happy. I was nervous, but I was happy. I stood in a room full of people where they all believed deeply the only truth man was given: Hashem is G-d and he is one. The shema. I know the hebrew now. I didn't then, but concepts and beliefs go beyond words.
From that point I would ask my friend to take me to shul and he did. It wasn't a fluke that I felt that way I had that first shabbos in shul. I started to go to shul on my own no longer scared that someone was going to throw me out if I didn't go with my friend. Other friends kept telling me I would convert. I suppose out of spite, I more or less refused to listen to them. White noise. I needed my heart to tell me beyond all doubt that this was what I want. Rosh Hashanna was the defining moment where the white noise was going of people telling me "you will convert" "you should convert" or the opposite "why are you still going" and such vanished. All I had was my heart and the desire it held. It took being told I couldn't go to services on Rosh Hashanna for my heart to beat back the white noise. I was pretty upset I couldn't go to shul. Then I made the lovely realization that there was a shul in walking distance that was mainly empty even on holy days. I went. They didn't make minyan, but I went. The biggest thing to come out of that was my person decision. It would not be until November that I would talk to my rabbi and it wouldn't be until January that my Rabbi agreed to teach me. I was only turned away once, but I took the time to think about the decision. I waited to meet with him again until after my birthday, when I would be on winter break so I could think about it without many demands on my time. My decision never changed.
For the first time in my life I have something meaningful to me to live by. I just hope that I will be able to articulate this to the Rabbi tomorrow.

Recent News Movies and Potter

Well, last night I finally watch Sideways while working through part of my Health reading assignment for the week. It was a decent movie. I enjoyed it for the most part. A week earlier I watch King of the Corner, which was also pretty good. I have been making it a point of putting a movie in while doing easy work. I can't sit still long enough to not feel guilty I am taking 2 hours just to watch a movie. It also makes the easy work more enjoyable to do. I think the last time I actually sat and watched something alone without doing something else while watching it was Howl's Moving Castle when I was sick.

Anyway, Harry Potter last book comes out on Saturday. Well, Yesterday at work, I got to man-handled 11 copies of the book. I went cover to cover 22 times making sure the binding doesn't split so I have an interesting collection of snippets in my head, not that anyone of them make much sense, but I suppose there are some spoilers in there. Heheeheee. I should be going to see the new movie tomorrow with my landlady and her brother. I would have gone last night or tonight after class by myself, but it is more enjoyable to watch a movie with someone else. I'll let you guys know what I think at some point.

Well, I best get my butt back to doing school stuff...Be well.

Another weekend gone and past

Well, I have to say I had a great deal of fun this weekend. A couple friends came in from out of town. The one gal and I had a lovely time laughing and talking and in general fooling around. My other friend wasn't so upbeat this weekend due to worrisome issues in his life. In general it was a decent time. I did go to the rose garden again this weekend with them. I love the roses. They are absolutely beautiful even though the beetles decided to come out and much on them as well as mate. I suppose everything has its natural order of things.

Yesterday, I went to Camel Beach with another friend. Though I got slighly fried despite sunscreen, it was a blast. I hope to hang with her again sometime in the near future. Perhaps, we will manage to get to Hershey Park by the end of summer. Right now she is planning her trip to Florida with her family, which sounds awesome.

Today, is basically a catch up day for me. I have school work that I am slightly behing on due to the bugs that still like to stick their tongues out at us and "hahaha". I have managed to find a way around them, "ha, so there". I also have reading I need to do by tomorrow evening. And somewhere in here I will do dance practice and some yoga, which are both fun.

YAY, dance starts back up on Wednesday!!! I missed it so much last week. It is going to be sad when these 8 weeks are over. I am not going to be able to take a dance class for while. I'll survive. I will just have to practice on my own. Besides I have a ton of stuff I will be doing too.

Well, need to get ready for work, chow!

Storytelling Circle and daily news

Well, I have set up an online storytelling blog and youtube account for videos. It seems to have gotten more interest that I thought it would. I am kind of happy about that. If you are interesting in storytelling, you are more than welcome to join. You can e-mail me at storytellerscircle@yahoo.com. I will need your e-mail to be added it to the blog. The blog is www.storytellerscircle.blogspot.com. The Youtube account is storytellerscircle. Check it out if you want.

Work is going pretty good. Things have been extremely busy since school let out, but that's okay. Time seems to pass quicker when you are busy. I love the kids and I love the conversations I get to share with people. Those moments bring to light to my lives.

Today, I went to the store today. There I bought clothes on clearance. I only buy clothes on the clearance rack. Well, today I took a gamble and bought a skirt and a pair of pants in a size 10, which is a size small than I wear now. I suppose I am going to get some dirty looks at that statement. A year and half ago, I was over a 190 lbs and wearing a size 18. I am happy that I managed to lose so much weight. Neither of the articles of clothing have elastic waistbands. The skirt is tight in my hips, but that pants fit perfectly.

Oh, I love yoga. It allows me to move without pain. So I am now going to have to figure out how to keep a yoga class in my schedule.

Ok, I am tired, so I am going to schlep myself off to bed.

Baby Shower and stuff

Today was my sister's baby shower. Everything went along without massive chaos, that is if you don't count the three young boys digging holes in the back yard. I basically took pictures, which was fine by me. In general despite the tension and the snipping that was done, it was an okay time. I am just glad that it is over. Actually, I am really glad that it is over.

Afterwards I went over to a friend's house and played with her dog and two new kitties. They were so soft and cuddly. I almost sort of wish I could have a kitty of my own, but I can't. Landlady says no furry pets. Besides I am allergic to cats and dogs. In addition to that I don't have the time to care for a pet.

After that, I walked off my cake piece at target. I had to pick up cleaning supplies and such, but I did just wander around for awhile. I did pick up a copy of the Stargate movie. I'll be watch that some time, but don't know when. I also popped into Game Stop looking for a computer game or video game I've waited to come down in price. Nothing suited my fancy. It was sort of nice to have the guys working to keep asking me if I needed help. Mind you, I know exactly what I am looking for and don't need help, though it was amusing. I probably know more than most guys think I do about those electronics. At some point I might have to get me a Playstation 3. I also ended up in Fashion Bug. I didn't spend even eight dollars there and got some really nice clearance shirt left over from the winter....Hehehee...cheap. Mind you all these stores are in the same strip mall.

Now, I should probably go do my laundry and clean, then work on school stuff. I really don't want to. I sort of just want to take a nap. Hmmm...nap...yay...but no.

Fly High, Be Well

Life

Life is a series of up and down more significant than the world series or the super bowl. It is up to us to decide how it will be lived. Will we take the downs in stride as we enjoy the ups, or will be allow the downs to bury us alive? Will we choose to serve a higher being or will be choose to analyze the realms of reason and science? Will we impact this world in a positive light or will we choose to spread only negativity? Will we keep striving when we are down on our knees or will we just collapse in a helpless heap? We have so many choices available to us.

We can chose to laugh. We can chose to smile. We can chose to cry. We can chose to scream in rage. We can. It is something inherent to life itself. We can do. We can not do. Simply, that. Through our choices we make or break relationships, we strive to make ourselves better or let ourselves fall, we live in a world where we are constantly stand at a "Y", a "T" or crossroads.

Some people take the easy road. Some step off the beaten path. Some wander down into the valley, while others willingly climb to higher and higher heights. Some paths are rough and fraught with obstecles. Others are as smooth as ice. In general, Life is hard.

The trials of our lives are reflect through our souls. Only unto us is the truest perception of what is endure, the truth that was sought or lost, wisdom found or forgotten, of the joys and sorrows that marked the road.

Life.

It is ours to treasure or to sell short. To follow our dreams or to give up. To seek the wonders of the world or remain locked away.

Life. What will you do with your???

'tis been a couple days

Well, a great deal has happened since shabbos.

First off, the belly dancing show I was in was great. I loved it and wasn't nervous, but I have also performed before. I am going to be signing up for another class. It's fun and I get the exercise I need.

Second off, I finally got a dress for my friend's wedding next month. I scoured about a dozen stores before going to Ross's. I was surprised that I got such a lovely dress for such a cheap cost.

In other news, My little sister's baby shower is this weekend. I am weird about such things. I think baby showers should be after the baby is born. I manage to get a pretty decent present with what money I had to spend. The only downside is the family feud that exists.

I am nursing hurt feelings and disappointment in my one friend. Otherwise, I am avoiding my family, thus I am relatively happy.

I met with the rabbi today and felt like an idiot. I study the material and know it going into the meeting, but once in the meeting, I forget everything. I just don't know why. I am going to study harder in hopes of being able to withstand questioning.

Also, today is a fast day. So I am irritable because I really didn't eat yesterday, which is not good. I have other factors going into this too. Like I didn't sleep much last night. That's what I get for rearranging my room and writing a late night e-mail in an attempt to save myself from myself. It didn't quite work. Oh, well, doesn't matter. And I have that stupid girly time of the month. Joy.

Well, I am going to head off now. I have some stuff I ought to do.

Shabbat Shalom!

Well, this is the first time since I had all my friends come visit me in PA that I am Shabbat at home. Basically, this means I am cooking. Though I invited a couple friends for shabbos, all but one cancelled on me. Yet, I am still preparing shabbos meal as I planned. The left overs will feed me for the rest of the week.

My cholent is on. My chocolate parve cake is baked. I still have chicken, soup, corn and butter nut squash to make. Then there is the salmon and haddock. I haven't made fish before so I am waiting until my friend comes into town to attempt that one. I am not making salad. I just don't feel like.

I did get to write a little bit yesterday, however people were talking to me at lunch so I didn't get too far, but that's okay. I will manage to fine time to write eventually. The story is involving interestingly, which means I am longing to sit down long enough to write it out so I can read the ending. LOL.

Anyway, I hope to get to some sewing this coming week. And I have a new friend coming in from GA. That will be fun.

Shabbat Shalom

Hello World

Well, I am much happier now that I have officially disowned my family. They crossed the wrong line and I am not going to take their abuse anymore. I have a life with friends and people who love me, which is good enough for me. I rather be surrounded by people who truely love me, than those who in some twisted way do love me, but spend more time inflicting damage. So, other than the rage under the surface, which I believe I have contained, I am actually happy as a little lark. From now on, things are on my terms and if they don't like, they can kiss my arse.

I haven't gotten any reading in beyond class, nor I have gotten any writing done. I think I might get to the reading this weekend. The writing I am not to sure about. I have a ton of storylines running through my head, so I would love to be able to write them out.

I am getting to watch more movies lately. I watched Marie Antoinette, Curse of the Golden Flower, and Spiderman 3. I hope to watch Notes on a Scandel tomorrow night and I have another movie to watch Friday while I prep for Shabbos. I also have The fountain to watch after shabbos.

Ooooo....This saturday night, I am going to be preforming. I am going to belly dance with my class/troupe. I am so excited. I love dancing. I think I am going to have skip the next 8 wk class, but I might take it back up at the college in the fall.

And even though it is going to be chaos, I am sort of looking forward to my sister's baby shower. I am happy for her since this means a great deal to her. I have a lovely present that I have managed to piece together cheaply, though it is all quality brand new stuff. (I love clearance) My entire family is technically all going to be on the same property, so there is a possible war. Oh, well, I am going so I can take pictures. Though I am furious with my family. I do not blame children for the sins of their parents. I even got my 2 year old nephew something so he doesn't feel left out.

Well, that's all for now, time to make dinn dinn.

Weekend in Review

Well, It was a lovely shabbos. I had a great time with people. I had my first Daf Yomi class, which was difficult to understand and way out of my league. It was still rather interesting. Saturday night I went to Teaneck because Sunday so I could join my friends at NJ Ren Faire. The Faire was better than last year, but I don't think it was worth the four + hours of driving this weekend I did to attend it. I did spend some time in NYC with Friends. We watched a Marx Brothers' film which was fun. I also stayed up late watching a friend play oblivion. That game rocks.

Show Me

Please, will you show me your light
For I am stuck in eternal night
My dreams have flown away from me
No longer are they where I can see
The truth I once had known for sure
I’m grasping the wind needin’ somethin’ more
I swear I must be dream walking,
But I know I hear you talking
You speak of the sun, the moon and stars.
How have I gotten to this point so far
From the place I ought to be,
The person the mirror should see
You might think me faithless,
A woman a filled with hopelessness,
Yet each breath is a living testament
To each and every struggle I have met
My strength is wings wrapped around
And I’m not lost for I have been found
Will you show me this your light
To guide me down the tunnel right
To a place to call my own
A place for which to be my home
A world in which my friends
Witness the pain’s bitter end
Should you decide to remain behind
I am sure this path I can find
Though I will miss the company
And your honest sincerity
Should you choose to go with me
I am not able to promise thee
A world lacking in fear and pain
And my darkness your joy shall drain,
Yet you shall have an ever faith friend
Who will always be there unto the end
Will you show me your eternal light
And I will give you my peace of night.

Final day

Today is my Art History Final. No big problem really, so long as I actually make it to the school to take the exam, which shouldn't be a problem either, since I have today off from work. Yeah, it is like 2:30 am now. The time stamp seems to be off some...like hours.

Anyway, I am getting writing accomplished at lunch. I might even get more writing and reading done in the week to come. I am really hoping I do. I am looking forward to reading a fairly new Dragonlance book, but I don't think that is going to happen. I have a feeling I am going to have to surrender it unread. Perhaps if I get all my work done tomorow, I might a good dent in it. And if I wake up early on monday before work, I would have some time. I might even get some read Sunday, but all of these are mights and ifs, which normally don't happen.

What I need to do is clean. I don't want to but I have to. The dragonlings have made a mess and it is bugging me, big time. So today's goals: FINAL, Clean, clean, clean, Laundry, Health class work, practice belly dancing for next week's show, possibly sew kimono for my little sister, READ if I get the chance. Well, I know the Final will get done, the laundry started and cleaning, everything else is subject to my distraction ratio.

Well, fair thee well for now.

SUNDAY IS REN-FAIREING!!!!

So..........

It is father's day and right now all I can think about doing is running for cover. Family oriented holiday, heck, all holidays cause internal-family fighting. The last thing I want is to get stuck in the middle of one of those, which is exactly what is going to happen. Essentially, even in every day life, I am damned if I do and seriously damned if don't. So, really, have no clue what the heck I am going to do. I know I am going to go see my father because it is father's day and he hasn't wanted to see me in over a year. That's right I haven't spoken to my father in over a year. Okay, quick thing, my family is the text book definition of Dysfunctional. So,...............

Other than major heartache, I am basically going to try to get some reading for class done and take a unit quiz. Somewhere between now and work tomorrow, I will probable get my study guide for my final made. That's easy, though a bit time consuming, however, it works, so I don't mind. If I manage to get that finished, I have reading and sewing I could do. Or just fool around on my computer which I do too much already. Oh, well, it isn't like I am sleeping anyway. I just lie in bed hoping I will be knocked on unconscious, but that so far hasn't happened.

Well, I am hungry, so I am off in search of food, catch you around.

Oy Vey

Ever have one of those lives where no matter what you do, things just don't get better. Well, welcome to my world. Oy, sometimes I really wish things would get better before they worse. Actually I would settle for a nice even kilter, but that doesn't happen either. If it isn't one thing it is another.

At least I had a cool time talking with a new friend in GA. I can't wait to meet him in person. He seems like a really nice guy.

I also have managed to get some writting done. Don't ask how I have managed it. I think has something to do with lunch. If I bring the right sort of lunch, I can eat and write at the same time.

Well, I must go finish preparing for shabbos and get to where I need to be.
Take care

Art History Paper

Well, the paper that I should have done Sunday or at least started on Monday was started yesterday night. I went to bed with a solid page written and then some. Tonight I have managed to get to page four of a five to seven page paper. This is very good since I have to turn it in tomorrow, actually later today. So basically, I am to get my but home and work on it after I go cash my pay check. Yay, pay check. Once I get the paper completed, I can move on to cleaning my apartment and preparing for shabbos, since I really, really need to do that. Hmmm...I might even get the parsha read.

My paper is on kimonos. The kimono I picked to do is amazingly beautiful. I wish I has a piece so lovely. Anyway, it is rather interesting paper and seems well founded of course, I am unraveling at the seams, so my paper is not nessassarily as sound as I would like it.

Oh, well, back to my paper. Good night.

Slacking

I am being a slacker. I have a paper that I ought have mostly written by now, not even started. Well, I organized my thoughts, did the research, half the bib is complete, so really I did start it. I just have not started the actual writing end of it. I am too tired to care. Too stressed to care to be truthful.

Since I can't manage to sleep at night, I have managed to work on some story work. Of course all of that is in a notebook since I refuse to leave my air conditioned bedroom after I have deemed it bedtime. Now, since I use a laptop, I really could just go get the laptop and bring it inot my bedroom, but that is just too much work. I can be lazy, especially when it is 2, or 3 or as late as 4 in the morning. Mind you I probably first tried to get my arse to bed somewhere between 11:30 and 12:30. Yeah, well, I can definately say I am tired.

Perhaps if I am a good girl and get some of this paper written and some of my art history lecture completed and even some of my health activities handed in, I might even get to write again. Won't that be fun!!! Not going to happen, but it is nice to have a goal in mind, ain't it.

Fly safely upon the wings of your Dreams,

Naughty Girl

*sigh* hmmmm *sigh* I should have gotten more school work done today. Yeah, I am all caught up, but I have an assignment due on tuesday and I have a paper due on thursday. I should have gotten more work completed on both. Really all I have to do is write out my answers and actually write the paper. Not hard, seriously, it is roughly four hours worth of work combined, maybe not even that.

Truth be told I spent time to relax and think today. I have a great deal to think about. In a sense today was setting the foundation to a new chapter in my life. I seem to be having many new chapters in my life these past two years. Well, a great deal has happened, things are moving quicker and I have learned so much more. Now, I am ready to embark on the next lesson.

I know what I need to do. The question is will I be focused enough to do it. I don't know about that. What I do know is I have the strength to do it. I am strong. I am standing firm. For some reason this go around I've cried my tears still standing instead of being flat on my arse looking up going wtf. I am not standing still either. Most of the time I am moving and looking back over my shoulder. Those are the moments I cry.

As soon as I straighten this out, I hope to be back to writing. Characters and stories dance within my mind's eyes. I can't wait to interact with them.

Well, best of care be with you,

Today, Today

Today, I took my art history test, which leaves me with a final and a 5 to 7 page paper left for the course. The paper will be written sunday and should only take me handful of hours to complete. So, no biggie really. I even have the research completed. All I need to do is write. Yay, I get to write, but darn it, it has to be for school.

I still have a ton of health work I ought to do too, but I should have that completed by Sunday night as well. If not sunday, I will definately have it in before the Tuesday midnight deadline.

As for pleasure reading or writing, I haven't gotten to that. I did get to watch the HBO Elizabeth the 1st which was rather good. I was reading school work at the same time, but I didn't miss anything, which was also good.

Well that is all for now,
Take care, Gut Shabbos.

Today in the life of...

Today mainly is a day for clean up and catch up. I hope to get to a movie after all the housework, laundry and school work are completed. I also hope to start cutting and pinning my lil sister's kimono. I will sew it at a later time, but I like getting stuff ready. As optimistic as I can be, I hope that I might get to some pleasure reading or possibly even writting. Who knows what I am going to get to do. One thing is for sure, I need to get my butt off hte computer if I am going to get anything accomplished. So, I will let you all know if I manage to get anything written.

In the mean time, have a lovely day. Perhaps, I will post some old poetry of mine, just make my rambling a bit more interesting. Be Well, and Fly High.

Hmmm...

*sigh*

At the moment, things are not going so well for me in the real world. Yet, things beyond the veil are better than ever. I have three stories bouncing around happily in my head. The question at the moment when am I going to find time to write. I am so busy with school and work and real world issues that I am not getting a chance to tap into the writer's veil.

Works in progress:

The Dragon's Cat - complex fairytale. More a novella, but will be pretty interesting once I actually get to write it. It has a nice strong outline, which is always good and clear cut characters.

Sorrow and Light - A new fairytale. My sweet Druid sister, thanks ever so much for getting another story to fall into my lap right now. The outline is still sketchy, but it is developing. This may or may not be complex, however I hope it is somewhere in the middle. Simple stories sometimes lose their enchantment.

On the Sea - For all you wonderful people who know about the novel, this is now its working title until I come up with something better. The characters have names and the first of the series is outlined. I even have bits and pieces written up and I have the starting of chapter one loosely written, yay me.

More information will possibly be posted in the future.

Editting in the works:

There are so many stories in editting phase, which leads me to believe I may never get unburied from ten years worth of work. I have been a writter or storyteller all my life. I was creating fully developed stories before I knew how to read and write, in fact as soon as I could talk. Note: this is what happens when kids are read to very early in life.

Witch of Raven Lake - tam lin based fairytale

Hunted - Modern day story involving an artist and witches, ghosts and other magiks. (three books, two of which have been mapped out well and the third loosely)

Game Play - Female online comic strip artist/video game programmer, her company/friends and the quirky paralle magical realm spilling in to the modern world

Sapphirerose - Fairytale based on versions of Cinderella. I know many, many versions of cinderella from all over the world, I decided to create one where fairies are the main characters. Also, this is a story that intertwines another story 'the King's Wolf'.

There is more. There is a great deal more. I have several short stories and beginings of novels. I suppose I should say hanging characters.

Well, I am drained, I am going to for now. Be well and keep dreaming.

Home Again

Well, I had a blog awhile back and some mystical power decided to delete it, which made me very sad. Anyway, I have found myself another lair. This one might be a little roomier. I am not sure yet. I plan on posting my poetry, thoughts, feeling, conversion comments, and updates on my novel that everyone seems interested in.

For for now,

good day, good night, and in general good times.

Be Well,

CBD