Sorry that I have not been doing my duty of making sure that you wonderful people know that I am alive. Well, mostly alive, but there is neither here nor there. Out from under the fuzz of evil medication, I finally remembered that I actually had this blog. No, I have known I have this blog all along, because certain people complain when I don't write. I suppose it was a matter of motivation to write here, since I was so busy with school work, work, and being sick.
Speaking of school work. I am managed to pull off another straight A semester. Yippie. After last semester's B in math, I was determined to get an A this semester. I am a very happy dragon right now. Currently hold a 3.95 GPA, which will give me a good position for scholarships...eeps...got to do research and writing for those...shoot!!! I also still have to take my Praxis. I feel like such a slacker.
Work is going well, but it looks like I am going to need to find another job because I am barely covering my bills. Not that I don't enjoy a good challenge, but frankly, it gets tiresome. Life...a most draining experience.
And I have been sick. Not sure what is really wrong, because the Docs can't seem to make up their minds. In truth, they keep telling me stuff I already knew. Sigh...it all is coming down to pain management and sleeping more than usual to deal. Dealing, not something I really intended to have to do. Well, I will just have to see what physical therapy is going to do for me. Speaking of which, I have to schedule that. Yipes! oooopies...and paperwork..There is always paperwork that has to be filled out.
As for other things. I am enjoying my week off from school. Reading, Writing and just plain relaxation. I am enjoying it highly. I even set up my desk...It has only taken five months to do that.
Oh, and being Jewish is fun. Still learning a ton of things. I really should spend more time studying. Need to get around to that.
Well, that is a good recap for now.
Donuts
From Trigun
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Why do we have children?
Over the course of many years, I have babysat many children of various age ranges. I have conducted storytime programs at the library I work at. I have seen all manner of children from the well behaved child, who uses please and thank you, to the little monsters, who are a nightmare to watch due tantrums and the like. Now, no matter how well behaved a child is they have their moments. We all have our moments whether child or adult. In fact, I would go so far as saying there are many adults out there who barely act older than children, if that. Upon seeing and experiencing all of this, what sane person would seriously think about having one, let alone more than that.
Think about all the work that is involved. A mother carries the growing fetus for nine months and than has to go into labor to bring the baby into the world. Now, that in of itself is rather painful experience I hear. Then, a baby is entirely dependant on its parents. The care of a baby is entirely dependant on someone else. Diapers need to be changed. Feedings must occur regularly, say every two hours or so. Laundry always seems need to be done. A baby’s cries will pierce the night waking one up. It is a lot of work.
Then, they get older. They reach the terrible twos where they learn the word “No”. They do everything they possibly can to exert their individuality and get what they want. They throw tantrums where they are kicking and screaming. They literally can turn into little monsters. This seems to go until they reach school age.
School finally rolls around. There may be a battle to get homework done. Then there is the whole making your child get along with their peers. Oh, and then there are the clicks. Nothing can be worse than the cruelty that children subject on each other. It can be down right brutal. Seriously, world leaders to me often seem to look like children who just never learned to get along and play together in the sandbox.
Anyway, if one survives that, there is puberty. Ah, that awkward time when children are making their way to be young adults. Hormones are running rampant and peer cruelty reaches new heights. Then there is the fear of one’s child getting mixed up in drugs, alcohol and sex. It is enough to keep one up at night.
At 16, we give our children a car. Basically, we hand them the keys to a deadly weapon and hope to God they don’t kill themselves or anyone else with it. Still have the drugs, alcohol and sex to be worried about. One’s hair is turning prematurely gray from all the worrying. If they survive high school, we send them off to college. At college, they are on their own where they can make all sorts of reckless decisions that continue to keep parents up at night. Then there is that fear that they will bring home a member of the opposite sex and want to marry them. There is a pretty high monetary cost just to get rid of your child and make them completely independent. Heck, what is the next to all the medical bills, activities, feeding, clothing, sheltering and such of your child for X amount of years. Then they have their own children and you hope that their children where just like parents so that your children know exactly what they put you through.
Now, what sane person would want to go through all of that? Granted grandchildren are fun and you can spoil them, but you can do that with anyone’s children to be truthful. It is a ton of work. Also, taking into account the whole raging hormones, procreation is a rather interesting side effect to all that sex.
No, there is something that makes it all worth it. It is love. Most people have a child because they love themselves, love their partners and still have a ton of love left over to devote to caring for a child. What makes all of this worth it? When say your two year old monster comes over to you and hugs you saying “I love you”. When you child hugs you and kisses you goodbye in public that makes it worth it. No how bad the bad times are, when your child tells you “I love you, Mom/Dad”, hugs you, kisses you, spends time with you instead of running around with their crazy friends. It is worth it. A child’s love is so innocent and complete unlike an adults’. A child trusts fully and loves fully without reservations. This is what will make a normal sane person want one of their own.
Think about all the work that is involved. A mother carries the growing fetus for nine months and than has to go into labor to bring the baby into the world. Now, that in of itself is rather painful experience I hear. Then, a baby is entirely dependant on its parents. The care of a baby is entirely dependant on someone else. Diapers need to be changed. Feedings must occur regularly, say every two hours or so. Laundry always seems need to be done. A baby’s cries will pierce the night waking one up. It is a lot of work.
Then, they get older. They reach the terrible twos where they learn the word “No”. They do everything they possibly can to exert their individuality and get what they want. They throw tantrums where they are kicking and screaming. They literally can turn into little monsters. This seems to go until they reach school age.
School finally rolls around. There may be a battle to get homework done. Then there is the whole making your child get along with their peers. Oh, and then there are the clicks. Nothing can be worse than the cruelty that children subject on each other. It can be down right brutal. Seriously, world leaders to me often seem to look like children who just never learned to get along and play together in the sandbox.
Anyway, if one survives that, there is puberty. Ah, that awkward time when children are making their way to be young adults. Hormones are running rampant and peer cruelty reaches new heights. Then there is the fear of one’s child getting mixed up in drugs, alcohol and sex. It is enough to keep one up at night.
At 16, we give our children a car. Basically, we hand them the keys to a deadly weapon and hope to God they don’t kill themselves or anyone else with it. Still have the drugs, alcohol and sex to be worried about. One’s hair is turning prematurely gray from all the worrying. If they survive high school, we send them off to college. At college, they are on their own where they can make all sorts of reckless decisions that continue to keep parents up at night. Then there is that fear that they will bring home a member of the opposite sex and want to marry them. There is a pretty high monetary cost just to get rid of your child and make them completely independent. Heck, what is the next to all the medical bills, activities, feeding, clothing, sheltering and such of your child for X amount of years. Then they have their own children and you hope that their children where just like parents so that your children know exactly what they put you through.
Now, what sane person would want to go through all of that? Granted grandchildren are fun and you can spoil them, but you can do that with anyone’s children to be truthful. It is a ton of work. Also, taking into account the whole raging hormones, procreation is a rather interesting side effect to all that sex.
No, there is something that makes it all worth it. It is love. Most people have a child because they love themselves, love their partners and still have a ton of love left over to devote to caring for a child. What makes all of this worth it? When say your two year old monster comes over to you and hugs you saying “I love you”. When you child hugs you and kisses you goodbye in public that makes it worth it. No how bad the bad times are, when your child tells you “I love you, Mom/Dad”, hugs you, kisses you, spends time with you instead of running around with their crazy friends. It is worth it. A child’s love is so innocent and complete unlike an adults’. A child trusts fully and loves fully without reservations. This is what will make a normal sane person want one of their own.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Ender's game (post 1)
Several days ago, I finished reading Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. It was a fascinating read. In other words, the book was a page a turner. For me there was great deal of predictability of what is going to happen over the course of the storyline. However, the main draw to this book is not seeing the plot line unfold, but to see how Ender manages to get from point to the next. One knows what is going to happen, but not how it is going to happen per say.
There is a heavy current to this book in the way of morals. Is it moral to teach a child to become a weapon and especially do that by creating a game? The morals of war and conquering are also brought into question. The moral question of killing in self-defense is also present in this book. Could the death of two boys have been prevented or were they just causalities of war? Or, it is moral to drive children to the point of exhaustion in order to train them to go to war? Or tricking a child in to leading and destroying an entire race of people? Or is it moral to make someone into a killer against his or her inner nature? These are all question of morality are invoked in some form in the book. The answers to these questions are up to the reader.
I am currently taking Education Psychology. The entire book is littered with examples of various theories from Erik Erikson, Jean Piaget and Lev Vygotsky. It made learning the material for class bearable and interesting, since I could apply it to what I was reading.
There is a great deal of education psychology in the book. Ender struggles with obtaining identity. He is essentially trapped in Erik Erikson’s stage of identity versus role confusion. It appears that Ender reaches this stage earlier than most of his peers simply because of his genius. He has already proven to himself and other that he is industrious by the age or six. Erikson’s stage industry versus inferiority usually last ages six to eleven; however, Ender, at the beginning of the book, has moved into identity versus role confusion, which usually spans the ages of 12 to 18. Ender gets stuck here. He is confused about his role and who he is. He is set up to be a killer despite the fact that it is against his core nature. He does not want to hurt anyone, yet he ends up killing two classmates and then, destroying an entire race of people called the Buggers. He is set in an environment where everything is decided for him. The only place he has any creative control to foster his own identity is in a computer game, which takes him through scenarios and the creation of military strategy. Yet with both of these, he is being shaped into a well-honed weapon. Thus, Ender true identity remains in a state of confusion.
Simultaneously, Ender is also plagued with the next stage of Erikson’s development, intimacy versus isolation. Throughout the book, Ender is isolated from making friends with anyone. Every time he manages to form a bond with someone, he is separated from the person. So, not only is Ender in a constant state of role confusion, he is also in isolation.
I enjoyed the book highly and would recommend reading it. I ended up reading this particular book because of a friend of mine who numbers it among their favorites. There is a great deal more educational psychology contained in this book; however, this is starting to sound like a paper for school. This tone is starting to bug me, so I shall be finishing this post with the intention of writing sequel.
There is a heavy current to this book in the way of morals. Is it moral to teach a child to become a weapon and especially do that by creating a game? The morals of war and conquering are also brought into question. The moral question of killing in self-defense is also present in this book. Could the death of two boys have been prevented or were they just causalities of war? Or, it is moral to drive children to the point of exhaustion in order to train them to go to war? Or tricking a child in to leading and destroying an entire race of people? Or is it moral to make someone into a killer against his or her inner nature? These are all question of morality are invoked in some form in the book. The answers to these questions are up to the reader.
I am currently taking Education Psychology. The entire book is littered with examples of various theories from Erik Erikson, Jean Piaget and Lev Vygotsky. It made learning the material for class bearable and interesting, since I could apply it to what I was reading.
There is a great deal of education psychology in the book. Ender struggles with obtaining identity. He is essentially trapped in Erik Erikson’s stage of identity versus role confusion. It appears that Ender reaches this stage earlier than most of his peers simply because of his genius. He has already proven to himself and other that he is industrious by the age or six. Erikson’s stage industry versus inferiority usually last ages six to eleven; however, Ender, at the beginning of the book, has moved into identity versus role confusion, which usually spans the ages of 12 to 18. Ender gets stuck here. He is confused about his role and who he is. He is set up to be a killer despite the fact that it is against his core nature. He does not want to hurt anyone, yet he ends up killing two classmates and then, destroying an entire race of people called the Buggers. He is set in an environment where everything is decided for him. The only place he has any creative control to foster his own identity is in a computer game, which takes him through scenarios and the creation of military strategy. Yet with both of these, he is being shaped into a well-honed weapon. Thus, Ender true identity remains in a state of confusion.
Simultaneously, Ender is also plagued with the next stage of Erikson’s development, intimacy versus isolation. Throughout the book, Ender is isolated from making friends with anyone. Every time he manages to form a bond with someone, he is separated from the person. So, not only is Ender in a constant state of role confusion, he is also in isolation.
I enjoyed the book highly and would recommend reading it. I ended up reading this particular book because of a friend of mine who numbers it among their favorites. There is a great deal more educational psychology contained in this book; however, this is starting to sound like a paper for school. This tone is starting to bug me, so I shall be finishing this post with the intention of writing sequel.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Great and Terrible Beauty
Great and Terrible Beauty, this is the book I just finished reading. It was an enjoyable book. It was one that I had difficulty putting down. Libba Bray certainly did her work when recreating the historical time period. She weaves magic into a rather bleak world for women who have resigned themselves to live by the rules set by their male counterparts. Bray manages to grab the essence of what it is like to be a 17 year old. The emotional driven desires paint and move the story forward as it colors the actions of the girls in the story. Though I found predictability to the story in places, it did not detract from the work. It is certainly worth reading.
Earlier today, I wrote a message about chapters of a person’s life ending to open to a new one. Here is a quote that so aptly suits my previous posting.
“…Dans chaque din, il y a un debut.”
My translation skills aren’t quite up to this one. “In the end, also, is a debutante?”
Mademoiselle LeFarge shakes her head, “In every end, there is also a beginning.”
I believe this is a very fitting quote for this day of reflection.
Earlier today, I wrote a message about chapters of a person’s life ending to open to a new one. Here is a quote that so aptly suits my previous posting.
“…Dans chaque din, il y a un debut.”
My translation skills aren’t quite up to this one. “In the end, also, is a debutante?”
Mademoiselle LeFarge shakes her head, “In every end, there is also a beginning.”
I believe this is a very fitting quote for this day of reflection.
Chapters of Life
In a sense, the story of one's life can be equated to that of a giant book. We open and close chapters with the decision we make as time revolves around. When we are children these chapters move swiftly without one taking notice that they have closed a chapter and are beginning another. As we get older, there are times when one can feel the chapter closing and that sadness that comes with its ending. However, there is always a new chapter begin foreshadowed in the older chapters and looming just on the horzion of life itself. This new chapter for as thrilling as it seems also comes with a mixture of fear and apprehension of the unknown possibilities.
In my life, I know I have seen the beginning and closing of several chapters. Each time one ends there is a longing, as if I lost a good friend. Yet, each time a new chapter opens, there is excitement for adventure. Over a year ago, I chose to convert to Judaism, which has been the best decision I have ever made about my life and its path. This decision sharply closed one chapter and opened another. This new chapter that started with the decision to convert and will end when my conversion is complete. One of the things I had to do to complete my conversion was move into an apartment under the eruv. It took forever me forever to move out. Last night, I handed in the keys. I wanted nothing more than to cry hard.
That apartment was the first place I had felt safe in a long time, a very long time. At first, it was just walls, but the end of two years, it was my home. There I was allowed to be myself for the first time in my life since childhood and make the decisions that affect my life. My childhood started to die around age 10. Leaving such a place without having garentees about where I would be moving into having the same general feeling.
I am still unsure of myself in the new place. Except pushing myself beyond my limits and collasping face first into bed, I have not slept more than five and half hours a night. I know I need more like 7 hours at least a night to function properly. Things are getting better. The desire to sleep in my new place as opposed to the old has definately shifted. My sleep schedule should even out as my course schedule does, which will be in the next week or so.
Last night all I wanted to do was curl up and bawl my eyes out. My heart ached. Today, the sorrow hangs lingering, but excitement for the future is taking hold. I chose this path. I can feel the ending and the beginning within hands reach. Though I cannot give a date for this chapter ending I know where it looms in my future, which I suppose is something that is rare and beautiful. I guess it is the same feeling one would have about finishing college and getting ready to start in the real world.
We all have chapters, some bigger, some smaller. Each chapter holds its joy and its pain. We get to shape these chapter of life and leave an imprint of our story behind for others to hear and bear witness too. This is one of those intrinsic beauties in life.
In my life, I know I have seen the beginning and closing of several chapters. Each time one ends there is a longing, as if I lost a good friend. Yet, each time a new chapter opens, there is excitement for adventure. Over a year ago, I chose to convert to Judaism, which has been the best decision I have ever made about my life and its path. This decision sharply closed one chapter and opened another. This new chapter that started with the decision to convert and will end when my conversion is complete. One of the things I had to do to complete my conversion was move into an apartment under the eruv. It took forever me forever to move out. Last night, I handed in the keys. I wanted nothing more than to cry hard.
That apartment was the first place I had felt safe in a long time, a very long time. At first, it was just walls, but the end of two years, it was my home. There I was allowed to be myself for the first time in my life since childhood and make the decisions that affect my life. My childhood started to die around age 10. Leaving such a place without having garentees about where I would be moving into having the same general feeling.
I am still unsure of myself in the new place. Except pushing myself beyond my limits and collasping face first into bed, I have not slept more than five and half hours a night. I know I need more like 7 hours at least a night to function properly. Things are getting better. The desire to sleep in my new place as opposed to the old has definately shifted. My sleep schedule should even out as my course schedule does, which will be in the next week or so.
Last night all I wanted to do was curl up and bawl my eyes out. My heart ached. Today, the sorrow hangs lingering, but excitement for the future is taking hold. I chose this path. I can feel the ending and the beginning within hands reach. Though I cannot give a date for this chapter ending I know where it looms in my future, which I suppose is something that is rare and beautiful. I guess it is the same feeling one would have about finishing college and getting ready to start in the real world.
We all have chapters, some bigger, some smaller. Each chapter holds its joy and its pain. We get to shape these chapter of life and leave an imprint of our story behind for others to hear and bear witness too. This is one of those intrinsic beauties in life.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Quite the seamstress
Well, I am certainly going to be busy for a little while. School work has me rather tied up, as do my conversion readings. Over top of wanting to do a ton of personal reading, I have been asked to alter a prom dress for my youngest sister. Now, I can alter clothing. I have done this plenty of times in the past. My work is decent, however nowhere near the level of perfection required for prom wear. The other issue is time. I have no idea where I am going to find the time to actually alter a dress for her. However, knowing my sister's budget, this is the only way she is going to have anything special to wear to prom.
The option we are going with is an old blue semi formal dress of mine with my black corset overtop. Now I still have to alter the dress some, ie make an over skirt and perhaps sleeves. I am not sure what I am going to be able to do.
At the moment I have so many sewing projects lined up that my sewing machine has finally stopped screaming at me to do them figuring I decided to give up getting anything done. So, if I am not online or answering my phone, I might be busy reading my textbook, at school, at work, or with my hands busy on not getting stabbed by my sewing needle.
The option we are going with is an old blue semi formal dress of mine with my black corset overtop. Now I still have to alter the dress some, ie make an over skirt and perhaps sleeves. I am not sure what I am going to be able to do.
At the moment I have so many sewing projects lined up that my sewing machine has finally stopped screaming at me to do them figuring I decided to give up getting anything done. So, if I am not online or answering my phone, I might be busy reading my textbook, at school, at work, or with my hands busy on not getting stabbed by my sewing needle.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Textbook Treachery
Ok, I go to community college because I cannot afford to go elsewhere. When you are the one footing the bill, you go where you can afford to go. I am lucky that I do qualify for grant money and scholarships or I would not be making tuition each semester. There is one thing that bugs me, like really, really irks me.
The community college was designed for working class and low-income families to get an education and/or degree to get better paying jobs, so they can move up in the world. So, though tuition is cheaper at a community college with decent courses, which transfer to most four-year universities, the textbook prices remain astronomical. Now there is the option of buying books online used, however, the campus bookstore is not going to make that easy for you. In addition to that, there are always new editions coming out and the professors require these new additions. I just spent 188.00 for a book for one class brand new because there is not option to buy used. That is nearly the cost of a course. Many books now range brand new in the $100 to 125 range if hardback and $80 to 100 in soft cover. This is supposed to be a college encouraging the working class to return to school and help low-income families afford higher education. The cost of textbooks is making this increasingly difficult.
Textbook prices should be capped at an affordable level, especially when it comes to the community college. The government wants people to seek higher education, than they should make it easier for them to achieve and be adding hidden costs to the bill. Books for classes should not cost a third or more of the class for which is for.
I will pay good money for books, however textbook prices are ridiculous and uncalled for.
The community college was designed for working class and low-income families to get an education and/or degree to get better paying jobs, so they can move up in the world. So, though tuition is cheaper at a community college with decent courses, which transfer to most four-year universities, the textbook prices remain astronomical. Now there is the option of buying books online used, however, the campus bookstore is not going to make that easy for you. In addition to that, there are always new editions coming out and the professors require these new additions. I just spent 188.00 for a book for one class brand new because there is not option to buy used. That is nearly the cost of a course. Many books now range brand new in the $100 to 125 range if hardback and $80 to 100 in soft cover. This is supposed to be a college encouraging the working class to return to school and help low-income families afford higher education. The cost of textbooks is making this increasingly difficult.
Textbook prices should be capped at an affordable level, especially when it comes to the community college. The government wants people to seek higher education, than they should make it easier for them to achieve and be adding hidden costs to the bill. Books for classes should not cost a third or more of the class for which is for.
I will pay good money for books, however textbook prices are ridiculous and uncalled for.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Update, Update, read all about it!
Well, it has been brought to my attention that I am neglecting my blog again. This seems to happen a great deal. Life gets in the way and I cannot seem to find the time to write. ~sigh~ Oh, well, perhaps I will do better in the future.
Let’s see, the last time I wrote it was hours before going before the beit din. This was my first meeting with them. It was nerve racking enough, even though my rabbi told me there was nothing to worry about. My rabbi could not be there so, he gave me a letter, which I promptly gave to the Rabbinic consultant, who took the letter to the head of the beit din. Well, I was told a few short months. That was at the beginning of January. Hopefully by Purim or at least Pesach I will be Jewish. This is my sincere hope. At the moment I am studying.
At the moment, I should be unpacking stuff, settling in. However, here I am writing. This is more fun. Eh…maybe not. Decorating can be a great deal of fun.
Yesterday, I put together a cabinet for my dishes and was told that I was being unladylike. Well, I rather be handy any day than unladylike. It fits me. I can be ladylike when I want to and spectacularly, too. Yet, I am the kind of girl who thinks velvet and steel go together quite nicely.
Classes start today. So, at 6:30 tonight I am back to the daily grind. I do have two of my classes online which will allow me do work more. Speaking of work, I have an initial interview to set up a nanny kind of gig this afternoon and I have another call that I am waiting on. Between the two childcare jobs, in addition to my job at the library, I should be able to make the ends meet, which I must add is always a plus in this world.
Recent History:
I have been watching episodes of Firefly again. Love the show. Hate Fox for canceling it. Hooray for the Serenity movie!!
I have been listening to Rochi Lerner’s Torah Sessions on OU Radio. Link: www.ouradio.org. She is an amazing person and has some great insight on torah. I urge all who are interested into checking it out.
Two more of my friends got married to each other. The wedding was amazing. The Shabbat proceeding was lovely too. I really wish I was still in Maryland. I had such a wonderful time there. Oh, well, a dragon’s got to come back to reality sometime. I look forward to my next opportunity to get away from Allentown.
I am currently reading a bunch of things. Textbooks just shoved their way to the top of the list. I am also reading A Great and Terrible Beauty. I finished the 2000 year old man by Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks. That was delightful and really funny. I finally finished reading Trickster’s Queen by Tamora Pierce. I enjoyed the book highly, like I have all her other stuff. I have Terrier to read. I have read a bunch of kids books and I am working on my Hebrew and Jewish studies.
If I am not up on Youtube listening to Final Fantasy music, I am listening to the Sweeney Todd soundtrack. In addition to that I put a smattering of Josh Groban and Phantom of the Opera in the mix. At this current moment, I am hung up on the song 1000 words from FF 10-2. I keep replaying it over an over from youtube. It does serve a non-evil purpose.
This should be a good enough update to satisfy those who have complained I disappeared.
Be Well!
Let’s see, the last time I wrote it was hours before going before the beit din. This was my first meeting with them. It was nerve racking enough, even though my rabbi told me there was nothing to worry about. My rabbi could not be there so, he gave me a letter, which I promptly gave to the Rabbinic consultant, who took the letter to the head of the beit din. Well, I was told a few short months. That was at the beginning of January. Hopefully by Purim or at least Pesach I will be Jewish. This is my sincere hope. At the moment I am studying.
At the moment, I should be unpacking stuff, settling in. However, here I am writing. This is more fun. Eh…maybe not. Decorating can be a great deal of fun.
Yesterday, I put together a cabinet for my dishes and was told that I was being unladylike. Well, I rather be handy any day than unladylike. It fits me. I can be ladylike when I want to and spectacularly, too. Yet, I am the kind of girl who thinks velvet and steel go together quite nicely.
Classes start today. So, at 6:30 tonight I am back to the daily grind. I do have two of my classes online which will allow me do work more. Speaking of work, I have an initial interview to set up a nanny kind of gig this afternoon and I have another call that I am waiting on. Between the two childcare jobs, in addition to my job at the library, I should be able to make the ends meet, which I must add is always a plus in this world.
Recent History:
I have been watching episodes of Firefly again. Love the show. Hate Fox for canceling it. Hooray for the Serenity movie!!
I have been listening to Rochi Lerner’s Torah Sessions on OU Radio. Link: www.ouradio.org. She is an amazing person and has some great insight on torah. I urge all who are interested into checking it out.
Two more of my friends got married to each other. The wedding was amazing. The Shabbat proceeding was lovely too. I really wish I was still in Maryland. I had such a wonderful time there. Oh, well, a dragon’s got to come back to reality sometime. I look forward to my next opportunity to get away from Allentown.
I am currently reading a bunch of things. Textbooks just shoved their way to the top of the list. I am also reading A Great and Terrible Beauty. I finished the 2000 year old man by Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks. That was delightful and really funny. I finally finished reading Trickster’s Queen by Tamora Pierce. I enjoyed the book highly, like I have all her other stuff. I have Terrier to read. I have read a bunch of kids books and I am working on my Hebrew and Jewish studies.
If I am not up on Youtube listening to Final Fantasy music, I am listening to the Sweeney Todd soundtrack. In addition to that I put a smattering of Josh Groban and Phantom of the Opera in the mix. At this current moment, I am hung up on the song 1000 words from FF 10-2. I keep replaying it over an over from youtube. It does serve a non-evil purpose.
This should be a good enough update to satisfy those who have complained I disappeared.
Be Well!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
General News
As of this moment in time, less than eight hours from now, I will be standing before the Queens' Beit Din. They will decide tomorrow if I have learned enough to be allowed to live my life as a Jew, meaning Shomer Shabbat and Kosher or if I must go home and continue my studying. The probably answer I will receive tomorrow is that I need to go home and continue studying. Most people who convert go before the Beit Din twice. I do not see myself as being privy to special circumstances. All in All, it is up to HaShem. Whatever happens tomorrow, it is all in his hands and I will abide by his judgment.
In recent past news, I attended the wedding of two friends. It was a great deal of fun. Loved the dancing and food, which is always good. I wish them much Joy and Happiness throughout their years together. Mazel Tov!!
I have also managed to get to the MET (metropolitan museum of art). I saw the musical instruments, 19th century paints, the statuaries, Greek and Roman art and all the love galleries of furniture. I sort of felt like I was in the Mixed-up Files of Basil E. Frankweiler. I rather enjoyed that. Next time I go, I get to bring my camera and take pictures, all dressed up of course. ::smiling:: That will be fun.
Moving progress: Well, I now officially live inside the Eruv. My queen sized bed made it my new apartment. Home is where my bed is. I find it rather difficult to sleep in a bed that is not my own. I can survive with just my bed. I can eat, sleep, watch movies, blog, write, read, IM and whatever else I wish from there. I love my bed. It is so comfy.
The old place looks bare. I will be taking pictures of the shell that was once my home. I stood in my barren living thinking, "is this how my body will feel once when I die". It felt so cold and uninviting, so foreign, so estranged from all the memories made there. They were just empty walls. Perhaps empty walls that if given the ability could tell some rather interesting stories of a dragon and her friends watching movies and eating popcorn.
In the not so distant future, I will be attending another wedding this weekend. This one is in Maryland. It will be fun to get away on last time before going back to school on Monday. Wow, school starts up again rather quickly. Where did the month go?? Oh, yeah. I spent it moving.
Other things of note: I started knitting again. I am making myself a lavender scarf. I have one or two mistakes, but that's ok. I work on the Japanese principle when it comes to art. Perfection can only be held by God, thus each piece of Japanese Art has a flaw in it. So, the flaw is artist design.
Also, I started reading A Great and Terrible Beauty. I am enjoying the novel so far. I look forward to reaching the end so I can pick up the next book in the series.
Well, I need to attempt to get some sleep before going before three rabbis that get to decide my fate tomorrow. Actually, HaShem gets to decide that fate through these three Rabbis and the words that come out of my mouth.
Laylah Tov,
In recent past news, I attended the wedding of two friends. It was a great deal of fun. Loved the dancing and food, which is always good. I wish them much Joy and Happiness throughout their years together. Mazel Tov!!
I have also managed to get to the MET (metropolitan museum of art). I saw the musical instruments, 19th century paints, the statuaries, Greek and Roman art and all the love galleries of furniture. I sort of felt like I was in the Mixed-up Files of Basil E. Frankweiler. I rather enjoyed that. Next time I go, I get to bring my camera and take pictures, all dressed up of course. ::smiling:: That will be fun.
Moving progress: Well, I now officially live inside the Eruv. My queen sized bed made it my new apartment. Home is where my bed is. I find it rather difficult to sleep in a bed that is not my own. I can survive with just my bed. I can eat, sleep, watch movies, blog, write, read, IM and whatever else I wish from there. I love my bed. It is so comfy.
The old place looks bare. I will be taking pictures of the shell that was once my home. I stood in my barren living thinking, "is this how my body will feel once when I die". It felt so cold and uninviting, so foreign, so estranged from all the memories made there. They were just empty walls. Perhaps empty walls that if given the ability could tell some rather interesting stories of a dragon and her friends watching movies and eating popcorn.
In the not so distant future, I will be attending another wedding this weekend. This one is in Maryland. It will be fun to get away on last time before going back to school on Monday. Wow, school starts up again rather quickly. Where did the month go?? Oh, yeah. I spent it moving.
Other things of note: I started knitting again. I am making myself a lavender scarf. I have one or two mistakes, but that's ok. I work on the Japanese principle when it comes to art. Perfection can only be held by God, thus each piece of Japanese Art has a flaw in it. So, the flaw is artist design.
Also, I started reading A Great and Terrible Beauty. I am enjoying the novel so far. I look forward to reaching the end so I can pick up the next book in the series.
Well, I need to attempt to get some sleep before going before three rabbis that get to decide my fate tomorrow. Actually, HaShem gets to decide that fate through these three Rabbis and the words that come out of my mouth.
Laylah Tov,
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Last day I am 24...
Well, if everything goes as planned Saturday night will be the last night I sleep in my bed in my old apartment. The packing is getting done. I am not doing half bad all by myself. My desk and office are now packed. It fills me with great sadness and frustration that it is packed away, however I will have a better set up where I am going to be despite the fact that I am condensing down to one room. I will be able to network my computers. I have a laptop, which I am currently writing on and a PC just screaming use me. So, I will finally be able to set everything up.
It should not be this difficult to pack up one’s belongings when they are eager to move. However, I have a ton of emotional baggage clubbing me in the face right now like it has for the past two weeks. I don’t have a great deal more to do really. I have sorted most of the stuff out. I know just have to pack it up. I hate the fact that things are going to be so barren. Of course in my new place everything is going to feel so cluttered. I am a dragon by nature, so a nice cozy lair will be just fine.
Well, I am still working on the job situation. I have an interview tomorrow morning at 9. This is a full time position at a daycare so I will be teaching children, which will make me happy. I miss working with children. It even seems they will be flexible with my Friday class, which one of the places was not going to be. If I get this job, it will be able to cover the bills. That is a very god thing.
I finally saw Shrek 3. It was ok. It was definitely not as good as the first one. As for my opinion on the second one, the jury is still out. I need to see the film again. I am going to attempt to watch Evan Almighty tonight, that is if I get my work done and manage to help my friend with her paper. Perhaps I will watch and edit her paper at the same time.
Well, in less than 24 hours I will be 25, a whole quarter century. I am surprised I made it this long.
It should not be this difficult to pack up one’s belongings when they are eager to move. However, I have a ton of emotional baggage clubbing me in the face right now like it has for the past two weeks. I don’t have a great deal more to do really. I have sorted most of the stuff out. I know just have to pack it up. I hate the fact that things are going to be so barren. Of course in my new place everything is going to feel so cluttered. I am a dragon by nature, so a nice cozy lair will be just fine.
Well, I am still working on the job situation. I have an interview tomorrow morning at 9. This is a full time position at a daycare so I will be teaching children, which will make me happy. I miss working with children. It even seems they will be flexible with my Friday class, which one of the places was not going to be. If I get this job, it will be able to cover the bills. That is a very god thing.
I finally saw Shrek 3. It was ok. It was definitely not as good as the first one. As for my opinion on the second one, the jury is still out. I need to see the film again. I am going to attempt to watch Evan Almighty tonight, that is if I get my work done and manage to help my friend with her paper. Perhaps I will watch and edit her paper at the same time.
Well, in less than 24 hours I will be 25, a whole quarter century. I am surprised I made it this long.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Winter Break
I am so happy that winter break has finally arrived for, except for the snow and ice. I took my last final on friday, so that means I am still waiting for my grade for that course to come in. I am sort of holding my breath. I was walking a bit of a tight rope in this course so I could get either an A or a B. I am hoping for the former.
My move was delayed a week. The weather made things too dangerous to move. The ice would have killed someone, so I am still comfortably sitting on my bed in my bedroom of the last two years. Basically this means I move after my birthday. I am in no real rush. The annoyance is that I packed up stuff I need for the week so I am going to have to unpack stuff, then repack. Of course I still need to pack up a ton of things. I will eventually get around to it. If I am focused I can get a great deal done.
I love my new camera. It takes wonderful pictures. Sometime over vacation, I will get to play some more. yay
I plan on sewing quite a bit, however that is going to be tough to do until I move. I also need to find a new job. I suppose it is good that I am interviewing for practically a dream position tomorrow, actually later today. I might even get around to reading, or maybe I will just listen to CD books while I sew. That would work for me. I also have some movies I want to get to see.
I am Legend, I have been told is remarkable. I am hoping I do make it to the theater to see it. I also have some new DVD releases to watch. Shrek 3 and Evan Almighty...and potter 5. I might break down and purchase it, however, that will have to wait until I have a better paying job.
Also, in January, I have two weddings to attend. One in NY and one in Maryland. Those will be fun. Another big event is I should be going before the beit din. I will hopefully be Jewish by mid January. At the moment I just waiting for the date.
Things will get interesting once my conversion is complete. I will be able to date again, well, I will be dating once I am comfortable making shabbat for myself and settling into jewish life on the other side of the fence. I don't expect things to be easy, but I will manage. I always do.
Well, I should either go to bed or work on packing some more before bed.
My move was delayed a week. The weather made things too dangerous to move. The ice would have killed someone, so I am still comfortably sitting on my bed in my bedroom of the last two years. Basically this means I move after my birthday. I am in no real rush. The annoyance is that I packed up stuff I need for the week so I am going to have to unpack stuff, then repack. Of course I still need to pack up a ton of things. I will eventually get around to it. If I am focused I can get a great deal done.
I love my new camera. It takes wonderful pictures. Sometime over vacation, I will get to play some more. yay
I plan on sewing quite a bit, however that is going to be tough to do until I move. I also need to find a new job. I suppose it is good that I am interviewing for practically a dream position tomorrow, actually later today. I might even get around to reading, or maybe I will just listen to CD books while I sew. That would work for me. I also have some movies I want to get to see.
I am Legend, I have been told is remarkable. I am hoping I do make it to the theater to see it. I also have some new DVD releases to watch. Shrek 3 and Evan Almighty...and potter 5. I might break down and purchase it, however, that will have to wait until I have a better paying job.
Also, in January, I have two weddings to attend. One in NY and one in Maryland. Those will be fun. Another big event is I should be going before the beit din. I will hopefully be Jewish by mid January. At the moment I just waiting for the date.
Things will get interesting once my conversion is complete. I will be able to date again, well, I will be dating once I am comfortable making shabbat for myself and settling into jewish life on the other side of the fence. I don't expect things to be easy, but I will manage. I always do.
Well, I should either go to bed or work on packing some more before bed.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Who Am I to You? (poem)
Who am I to you?
A girl lost, lonely, occasionally blue
Or a woman crying in the night
Too tired to wait till the morning light
What song is there to be sung?
Where upon the Hangman’s gallows the words were hung
Disconnected from this evolving world
No longer holding the gleam of gems and the luster of pearls
Where is the heart of love?
It has been carried away by the springtime Dove.
‘Twas to be stolen in Blind-man’s blink of an eye
Leaving one empty with naught to do but to sigh
When will day break anew?
Not ‘til the heart song rings out true
Shattering, destroying these abysmal walls
Forcing back the wretched tears that so long to call
How is it that I still stand?
The ground trembles in this shadowy land
For no song, no heart nor truth bear credence to reign
But, here I stand soaked in this lonesome pouring rain.
Go where thou wishes, but leave me free
For I am solidly planted, as stalwart as tree
And through cat’s eyed gleam this world I do see
What will be, what shall be, what shall dwell in that place that is me
Who am I to you?
I am what I am to me.
No more, no less,
With song in shadow full of heart and balance of truth.
A girl lost, lonely, occasionally blue
Or a woman crying in the night
Too tired to wait till the morning light
What song is there to be sung?
Where upon the Hangman’s gallows the words were hung
Disconnected from this evolving world
No longer holding the gleam of gems and the luster of pearls
Where is the heart of love?
It has been carried away by the springtime Dove.
‘Twas to be stolen in Blind-man’s blink of an eye
Leaving one empty with naught to do but to sigh
When will day break anew?
Not ‘til the heart song rings out true
Shattering, destroying these abysmal walls
Forcing back the wretched tears that so long to call
How is it that I still stand?
The ground trembles in this shadowy land
For no song, no heart nor truth bear credence to reign
But, here I stand soaked in this lonesome pouring rain.
Go where thou wishes, but leave me free
For I am solidly planted, as stalwart as tree
And through cat’s eyed gleam this world I do see
What will be, what shall be, what shall dwell in that place that is me
Who am I to you?
I am what I am to me.
No more, no less,
With song in shadow full of heart and balance of truth.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Ok, so, I have completed one interview (this one at a college library) and I have one to go (JCC). I really want the full time job at the JCC. I want to work with children again. However, if I don't get that job the on at the college will do nicely. I am a good position for both jobs. YES!!
Finals, three down, one to go. So far I have grades for two courses. I am happy about both of them. The one I don't know is going to torture me. My prof in that course is fickle and anal retentive. So, I am not sure I am going to get the A or a B. Given the work I know I have done, I should get the A, but still...my prof is what she is. The last final is in math and that I take tomorrow. If I get an A on the final, I get an A for the course. Yay! Here I thought I would definately going to have a B.
Ok, I should pack because I am moving. Need to do that. Bye
Finals, three down, one to go. So far I have grades for two courses. I am happy about both of them. The one I don't know is going to torture me. My prof in that course is fickle and anal retentive. So, I am not sure I am going to get the A or a B. Given the work I know I have done, I should get the A, but still...my prof is what she is. The last final is in math and that I take tomorrow. If I get an A on the final, I get an A for the course. Yay! Here I thought I would definately going to have a B.
Ok, I should pack because I am moving. Need to do that. Bye
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Good Day
Well, I wish I could say that things have calmed down that has enabled me to write so much later, however it is more to the need of my heart to procrastinate. I still have yet to find a way to trick to my heart into actually packing my stuff up. I really do have until the end of the month, but my move out date is the 16th, G-d willing. *sigh* I do want to move, however, I hate change, especially when I am comfortable. Well, I will somehow will. I have about 6 hours before my bedtime to get a great deal accomplished.
The real reason I am writting. I managed to get a job interview at the JCC (Jewish Community Center) for a child care position. They have two positions open. One is a teacher for 18 to 36 months or a floating teacher who works wherever she/he is needed. I do not care which I get. I do not mind so much as I have a paying job that can support me. The only draw back is the position is full time. This means I will have to leave the library. There is no way I can stay at both places, especially with classes. G-d willing, I will be hired and it will make my life far easier. I would be able to walk to work and I would not have to worry about holidays and wrestling to get shabbat off, which has been an issue in the past.
I registered for classes. Due to scheduling, I will have two online courses and two courses on campus. Basically, I will be at school monday nights and friday mornings. This will be nice. I have educational psychology, Intro to music, More foundations of Math (II) and Intro to Special Ed. I have feeling I am going to have a rather decent semester.
Friday class means I can not travel far before shabbat. I am basically still locked into spending Shabbat at home. Oh, well, I am starting to get to know many people in the community, so I rather like it here. Sorry.
My conversion is on schedule. YAY!!
I get to see the play. I already bought my bus ticket. And I have a new camera to take blackma...I mean pictures, memorable pictures to share with whomever I want...
Also, any one interested in helping a dragon succeed in a special plot of destruction against a not so fictional city...please let me know. I have my gunpower mage already and I believe a tactical advisor/orchestrator. hehe...fun fun.
Ok. Time to do real work....no...I don't want to.....
The real reason I am writting. I managed to get a job interview at the JCC (Jewish Community Center) for a child care position. They have two positions open. One is a teacher for 18 to 36 months or a floating teacher who works wherever she/he is needed. I do not care which I get. I do not mind so much as I have a paying job that can support me. The only draw back is the position is full time. This means I will have to leave the library. There is no way I can stay at both places, especially with classes. G-d willing, I will be hired and it will make my life far easier. I would be able to walk to work and I would not have to worry about holidays and wrestling to get shabbat off, which has been an issue in the past.
I registered for classes. Due to scheduling, I will have two online courses and two courses on campus. Basically, I will be at school monday nights and friday mornings. This will be nice. I have educational psychology, Intro to music, More foundations of Math (II) and Intro to Special Ed. I have feeling I am going to have a rather decent semester.
Friday class means I can not travel far before shabbat. I am basically still locked into spending Shabbat at home. Oh, well, I am starting to get to know many people in the community, so I rather like it here. Sorry.
My conversion is on schedule. YAY!!
I get to see the play. I already bought my bus ticket. And I have a new camera to take blackma...I mean pictures, memorable pictures to share with whomever I want...
Also, any one interested in helping a dragon succeed in a special plot of destruction against a not so fictional city...please let me know. I have my gunpower mage already and I believe a tactical advisor/orchestrator. hehe...fun fun.
Ok. Time to do real work....no...I don't want to.....
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
The best laid plans of dragon and men oft go awry
Well, I planned on getting some packing done today, since I did not do any of that sort of thing yesterday or the day before. This is not good. However, I do have all day thursday to do school work, pack things up and whatever else comes up. I might even find a little time tomorrow. I did do something towards my packing efforts. I got some more boxes. Boxes are good.
Hanukah is here!! Yay!! I got to study today, made it through the brachos for lighting on the first night of Hanukah by myself doing a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. I also received a sweet tasty gift. I found that to be yummy. What is even better is that it came in a box I can use to pack stuff in!! It also had peanuts. I kind of felt like tossing those in the air to make a dramatic excited statement, however since I have to clean up the mess, I refrained from doing so. Still they will keep some of my pretty hoard packed away nicely.
Since I had to replace my old camera because it met the fate of Kitty Jones' locker (ie a cat's water dish), I might be taking some pics of my hoard. Yup...I might be testing that baby out thursday, however it takes me weeks, sometimes months to actually post pictures. All of my picture postings are on my myspace and facebook accounts. Some of them are rather good. My artwork through photo editings is pretty good too.
I am still shocked I found an entire gigabite of memory on my computer by deleting useless or duplicate files on my computer. *sigh* I have been cleaning house here because I have a set of corrupted files which threaten the main frame. I am not happy about that, so I have remove the tumorous problem, thus losing some of my files. Using a loop hole I might be able to save some of my pictures that didn't get duplicated over in other sets of files. Man, at times, I love e-mail. It may be long and tedious to attatch 14 files to an e-mail at a time, but it is saving my pics for me.
Of course I should be sleeping right about NOW!!
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day too. Urg. Well, my classes should be a breeze...I think....ewwww...research project presentation.....not look forward to that. not at all. Then I get a break, need to register for classes, set up a job interview, wrap gifts for TESA adopted family, and what else...oh eat lunch...that would be good. Then five hours of work. Maybe I should bring my CD player and music. Hey that sounds like a good idea. In fact CD player is in car, just need my headphones, CD case and adapter.... Wow isn't is wonderful how things can come together when you complain to yourself.
Ok, must go to bed...must can't stay awake any longer.
Hanukah is here!! Yay!! I got to study today, made it through the brachos for lighting on the first night of Hanukah by myself doing a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. I also received a sweet tasty gift. I found that to be yummy. What is even better is that it came in a box I can use to pack stuff in!! It also had peanuts. I kind of felt like tossing those in the air to make a dramatic excited statement, however since I have to clean up the mess, I refrained from doing so. Still they will keep some of my pretty hoard packed away nicely.
Since I had to replace my old camera because it met the fate of Kitty Jones' locker (ie a cat's water dish), I might be taking some pics of my hoard. Yup...I might be testing that baby out thursday, however it takes me weeks, sometimes months to actually post pictures. All of my picture postings are on my myspace and facebook accounts. Some of them are rather good. My artwork through photo editings is pretty good too.
I am still shocked I found an entire gigabite of memory on my computer by deleting useless or duplicate files on my computer. *sigh* I have been cleaning house here because I have a set of corrupted files which threaten the main frame. I am not happy about that, so I have remove the tumorous problem, thus losing some of my files. Using a loop hole I might be able to save some of my pictures that didn't get duplicated over in other sets of files. Man, at times, I love e-mail. It may be long and tedious to attatch 14 files to an e-mail at a time, but it is saving my pics for me.
Of course I should be sleeping right about NOW!!
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day too. Urg. Well, my classes should be a breeze...I think....ewwww...research project presentation.....not look forward to that. not at all. Then I get a break, need to register for classes, set up a job interview, wrap gifts for TESA adopted family, and what else...oh eat lunch...that would be good. Then five hours of work. Maybe I should bring my CD player and music. Hey that sounds like a good idea. In fact CD player is in car, just need my headphones, CD case and adapter.... Wow isn't is wonderful how things can come together when you complain to yourself.
Ok, must go to bed...must can't stay awake any longer.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Howdy
Yeah, shocker, I am writting two days straight. What's the occassion? Well, that would be the fact that I am being a major slacker.
Hmmm....why the heck does it have to be so cold?? I want my fall back. We barely had fall this year. May favorite are those first cool breeze that teases the colored leaves while they desperate cling to their trees. I do not mind winter either, however, this frozen cold is a little too much too early. Winter does not start officially until December 21st. Grumble.
Now Summer, she lingered beyond her time. Winter, she ushered in her blankets of snow before Fall could orchestrate the dropping of the leaves. He is upset that his usually brisk breezes have turned frigid in an attempt to get us to remember him. I am missing Spring's warth as he tries to coax Summer into dancing for him. She lights up and heats up the days as she dances for us knowing she will receive the Fall's applause. Still, though he is pleased with Summer's dance, he is still upset that he did not get to preform his magic for Winter. In her impatiences, she has brought us snow and he is still calling after her, thus the winds remain chilled.
Sorry if that makes no sense to you. I am a writer and sometimes I just get carried away. That is what I need to do more of -- write. I haven't seriously sat down to write anything but papers for school. I have stories brusting out of me, but no where to go. *sigh*
Well, I am off to find warmth.
Hmmm....why the heck does it have to be so cold?? I want my fall back. We barely had fall this year. May favorite are those first cool breeze that teases the colored leaves while they desperate cling to their trees. I do not mind winter either, however, this frozen cold is a little too much too early. Winter does not start officially until December 21st. Grumble.
Now Summer, she lingered beyond her time. Winter, she ushered in her blankets of snow before Fall could orchestrate the dropping of the leaves. He is upset that his usually brisk breezes have turned frigid in an attempt to get us to remember him. I am missing Spring's warth as he tries to coax Summer into dancing for him. She lights up and heats up the days as she dances for us knowing she will receive the Fall's applause. Still, though he is pleased with Summer's dance, he is still upset that he did not get to preform his magic for Winter. In her impatiences, she has brought us snow and he is still calling after her, thus the winds remain chilled.
Sorry if that makes no sense to you. I am a writer and sometimes I just get carried away. That is what I need to do more of -- write. I haven't seriously sat down to write anything but papers for school. I have stories brusting out of me, but no where to go. *sigh*
Well, I am off to find warmth.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Um...I did not forget about my blog, honest!!!
Hello, everyone,
I have just been uber busy. Like super uber busy and the thanksgiving holiday didn't help unstress anything. However, I finally have a free moment that I have time to devote to a nice long blog. YAY!! I know it just warms your hearts on a snowy day like today, right??
Well, my conversion to Judaism is nearly complete. In fact somewhere in the next four to six weeks I should be going before the beit din. So, I am excited about that. I am studying/practicing my hebrew with friends. I am getting much better. I just don't understand what I reading. I need someone to translate, but I starting to get a handle on new words.
I am moving December 16th to allentown. This was a requirement for my conversion, however it will also be easier on me. I work and go to school in the allentown area which means I should not have to spend so much money on gas. YAY!! I am kind of excited to be living some places new, however I will miss having a place to myself, though it has gotten rather lonely somedays. It will be nice to share a place with someone and still have privacy. The one thing I absolutely have to have is privacy. I am a dragon who needs her space.
Also I am in the process of finding a higher paying job. I have two options on the table. G-d willing, one of them will come through. The one is at a university library, the other is at the Jewish Community Center. Either would be great for me. For right now, I am at reduced hours at the library and frankly I don't mind because I know have my shabbats like I should have had all along.
Let's see. I should be packing, but I am not. I am online writing this and talking to people on aim. I have a great deal of time this week to do stuff. This is my last week of classes for the semester and it is followed up with finals. I only have finals on that monday and friday. However, I have two finals on monday and a play to get to in NY sometime that week. The unfortunate thing about monday is my one final starts at 7:30 am. I am not happy at that in the least. Nope. Hopefully I can get my speech done and over with and then relax until psych. I am sort of dreading the Math Exam...ewwww....math and I are not mixing so well.
Oh, I have to register for classes too. I was holding off to hear back on the jobs on the table. Of course, I can always regisiter and then change my classes if need be. Or I can just take a bunch of online stuff, but that is no fun. Well, it sort of is...but I like being in a classroom with people. I have to talk another math course and I have to take a science with a lab at some point. I am not sure when that is going to happen, but I have the summer to work on that too as well as next fall.
Lets see what else. I did get to watch a couple movies while studying. And when I was sick I watched Miss Potter. I liked that a great deal.
Oh, earlier this month I danced at a hafla. That was fun. I will eventually get my DVD of that.
Wow...time is sure going by quickly...
I have just been uber busy. Like super uber busy and the thanksgiving holiday didn't help unstress anything. However, I finally have a free moment that I have time to devote to a nice long blog. YAY!! I know it just warms your hearts on a snowy day like today, right??
Well, my conversion to Judaism is nearly complete. In fact somewhere in the next four to six weeks I should be going before the beit din. So, I am excited about that. I am studying/practicing my hebrew with friends. I am getting much better. I just don't understand what I reading. I need someone to translate, but I starting to get a handle on new words.
I am moving December 16th to allentown. This was a requirement for my conversion, however it will also be easier on me. I work and go to school in the allentown area which means I should not have to spend so much money on gas. YAY!! I am kind of excited to be living some places new, however I will miss having a place to myself, though it has gotten rather lonely somedays. It will be nice to share a place with someone and still have privacy. The one thing I absolutely have to have is privacy. I am a dragon who needs her space.
Also I am in the process of finding a higher paying job. I have two options on the table. G-d willing, one of them will come through. The one is at a university library, the other is at the Jewish Community Center. Either would be great for me. For right now, I am at reduced hours at the library and frankly I don't mind because I know have my shabbats like I should have had all along.
Let's see. I should be packing, but I am not. I am online writing this and talking to people on aim. I have a great deal of time this week to do stuff. This is my last week of classes for the semester and it is followed up with finals. I only have finals on that monday and friday. However, I have two finals on monday and a play to get to in NY sometime that week. The unfortunate thing about monday is my one final starts at 7:30 am. I am not happy at that in the least. Nope. Hopefully I can get my speech done and over with and then relax until psych. I am sort of dreading the Math Exam...ewwww....math and I are not mixing so well.
Oh, I have to register for classes too. I was holding off to hear back on the jobs on the table. Of course, I can always regisiter and then change my classes if need be. Or I can just take a bunch of online stuff, but that is no fun. Well, it sort of is...but I like being in a classroom with people. I have to talk another math course and I have to take a science with a lab at some point. I am not sure when that is going to happen, but I have the summer to work on that too as well as next fall.
Lets see what else. I did get to watch a couple movies while studying. And when I was sick I watched Miss Potter. I liked that a great deal.
Oh, earlier this month I danced at a hafla. That was fun. I will eventually get my DVD of that.
Wow...time is sure going by quickly...
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Movies and Such
I have been forcing myself to catch up on some of the movies I have been wanting to see, say I am going to watch, but never take the time. Over the years, I have naturally learned to multi task, so I often try to do something constructive while watching the movie, since I have difficulties sitting and doing absolutely nothing for two hours when I know I should be doing something else.
I have watch Memoirs of Geisha for a second time. I have seen Interview with a Vampire for the first time. Music and Lyrics with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. And hopefully I will get to Happy Feet tonight. I have been meaning to watch the peguin movie.
I have also made a ton of cranes for a craft faire. I still have some work on them and a little time to do it in, so I am pleased there. I am also making doll (angels or fairies as you wish.). Those are turning out too. They will not take me long to finish.
Other than I am still searching for a second part time job and a place to live with in walking distance of my shul. I am doing pretty good. My hebrew is coming along too. I am teaching myself and occassionally I get help from friends.
Well, I am busy, but hopefully I will be able to post more reguarly.
I have watch Memoirs of Geisha for a second time. I have seen Interview with a Vampire for the first time. Music and Lyrics with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. And hopefully I will get to Happy Feet tonight. I have been meaning to watch the peguin movie.
I have also made a ton of cranes for a craft faire. I still have some work on them and a little time to do it in, so I am pleased there. I am also making doll (angels or fairies as you wish.). Those are turning out too. They will not take me long to finish.
Other than I am still searching for a second part time job and a place to live with in walking distance of my shul. I am doing pretty good. My hebrew is coming along too. I am teaching myself and occassionally I get help from friends.
Well, I am busy, but hopefully I will be able to post more reguarly.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Life since we last met
Well, I have been beyond busy. My conversion is nearly finished. I just need to move into the surrounding area around the shul, set up home. Oh, I am going to have to find another part time job, since I will have to give hours up at the library now that I can no longer work saturdays. Oh, well, may I find something good. Perhaps I will be a tutor and do something with the education I am getting. In addition to that, I am getting crafts together for a craft faire in two weeks. May I make some extra money. I could use a little extra cash. Oh, and getting everything finished would be great too.
School has kept my time tied up too. I am holding my own despite my family and depression. Somehow I am at least keeping a decent B average in each of my classes. I doubt I am going to get anything better than a B in my math course. I get so tripped up. I don't have the patience to deal with numbers. Though I have always wanted to be an elementary teacher, probably 2nd or 3rd grade, I might think about being an English or History teacher. It is a possibility. I do still want to get my Library Science degree by that is years and years away.
Though I could graduate with my associates by the end of the summer, I am thinking I might stay at LCCC to grab extra credits towards my BA. I might be there another half year and go for a winter graduation. That would work for me.
I have been to Faerie Con and PA Ren Faire. I have yet to speak on either of these and deserve their own entry, so hopefully I will get around to that soon. Perhaps I shall post some pictures or maybe even a video.
This too probably deserves its own post. But, yesterday marked my second year of freedom. It has been two years filled with pain, sorrow, strife, grief, joy, happiness, light and darkness, tears, laughter, depression and so much more. I am nothing more than a faceted ball trying to figure out what I should feel and when. Two years. For as much as I am found, I am still journeying lost. I found truth, latched onto it for dear life. My future lies within that truth. My happiness has always been there. It is through truth that I has any happiness in years of death that I survived. I know this probably does not make much sense given the vagueness of my statements. For this I am sorry.
I should be proud for making it on my own. I should be happy. Yet, I am empty. I feel lost. I hurt and don't know why. I still can't escape from the painful light that chooses to sear me to a soft darkness glowing with the softly colored lights of happy memories. *sigh* perhaps one day.
School has kept my time tied up too. I am holding my own despite my family and depression. Somehow I am at least keeping a decent B average in each of my classes. I doubt I am going to get anything better than a B in my math course. I get so tripped up. I don't have the patience to deal with numbers. Though I have always wanted to be an elementary teacher, probably 2nd or 3rd grade, I might think about being an English or History teacher. It is a possibility. I do still want to get my Library Science degree by that is years and years away.
Though I could graduate with my associates by the end of the summer, I am thinking I might stay at LCCC to grab extra credits towards my BA. I might be there another half year and go for a winter graduation. That would work for me.
I have been to Faerie Con and PA Ren Faire. I have yet to speak on either of these and deserve their own entry, so hopefully I will get around to that soon. Perhaps I shall post some pictures or maybe even a video.
This too probably deserves its own post. But, yesterday marked my second year of freedom. It has been two years filled with pain, sorrow, strife, grief, joy, happiness, light and darkness, tears, laughter, depression and so much more. I am nothing more than a faceted ball trying to figure out what I should feel and when. Two years. For as much as I am found, I am still journeying lost. I found truth, latched onto it for dear life. My future lies within that truth. My happiness has always been there. It is through truth that I has any happiness in years of death that I survived. I know this probably does not make much sense given the vagueness of my statements. For this I am sorry.
I should be proud for making it on my own. I should be happy. Yet, I am empty. I feel lost. I hurt and don't know why. I still can't escape from the painful light that chooses to sear me to a soft darkness glowing with the softly colored lights of happy memories. *sigh* perhaps one day.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
The Stark Ravings of Crazy Woman or Just Plain Wisdom? I will let you decide.
In this world, we are given an undetermined amount of time to make something of ourselves, to create a lasting impression on the hearts around us. What will you be remembered for? Your smile? Your laugh? The way you lived your life? Though life itself is often filled with second chances, we only have one life, one book in which to write our story. Throughout this story, we can choose to make ourselves better or we can let ourselves go. It is our choice. In one hand, our choices form our “destiny”, on the other hand, “destiny” chooses for us. It is a constant role reversal of dominance and subservience. In truth, we can shape our “destiny” even if we cannot choose it.
In this world, we walk a path. This path gets crossed over many times by people that we meet. It changes as events take place opening or showing us new paths in which we can choose to divert. Some roads are easy. Other roads are more difficult. At times are journeys are well illuminated and at other we walk stumbling in the darkness. Through it all we find our way. Through it all, we are searching for ourselves. Sometimes we are faced with joy. At other times, we feel great pain. Both make us stronger.
It is possible to walk a path without knowing its truth. It is possible to make a decision without knowing you have made it. Due to this traveling in innocence, one may get hurt and not understand the source. In that pain, innocence may be lost and filled with bitterness and darkness. However, when the truth is revealed to the pained heart, they stand at a juncture. Do they allow bitterness and hatred turn them down the darken path to hide from the truth or do they allow themselves to embrace the truth despite the uphill path. For hatred is a down hill path, easy to walk, even easy run down. Truth requires a person to climb beyond oneself to higher level.
Truth is not an easy road. It requires risk and sacrifice. However, faith in oneself goes hand in hand with truth. If one has faith in oneself, then truth is not as far in the distance as one would think it should be. It is a still a stretch, but it obtainable. The question is what are you willing to risk? What are you willing to sacrifice? Where is that line that should never be crossed?
That which is fleeting in this world holds no significant truth to the heart. No amount of money, no job, no possessions, nothing that is truly fleeing in this man made world holds a true significance of the heart. People, our friends and our family, they cannot be replaced and at times once broken cannot be completely fixed. That which is fleeting can be replaced or fixed and we continue. Life cannot be replaced. A life cannot be “fixed”. It can only be given the time to heal.
I have not mentioned a word about G-d, until now. Some of you, my friends, are strong in your faith of G-d; others are not. However, what I have said above applies to all. It is my personal belief that G-d is ever present, ever watching orchestrating our paths based upon the decisions we make. Though G-d may not seen to be present, G-d is there somewhere should one open ones’ eyes to search. At times we lose sight of faith and thus, we lose sight of G-d. This does not mean G-d has vanished from our lives. It does not mean G-d hates us. It just simply means we cannot see the truth or the value of the darken moment.
G-d is just. G-d rewards us for the good and punishes the bad as a father would his child. G-d does not call for our destruction, so much as G-d calls for our growth. G-d wants us to learn, to grow closer to him/her. G-d wants us to live not die. G-d wants us to be righteous, to strive to make ourselves better, thus helping those around us.
Now, many of asked me why I am converting to Judaism. I could give the clip answer that I believe Judaism is right and all other religions are wrong. However, that would not be the truth of the heart. Belief. It is the reason. I believe in what I pray. I believe in what I read and how I live my life. It does not seem as foreign as one would think it should be. It is apart of me. Do I believe the other religions are right? No. They are not what I believe, therefore will never be right. Is Judaism right? Well, for me yes, yes it is.
I suppose you are wondering why I have written this. Well, my last meeting with my rabbi has given me a rough timeline for the end of my conversion process. I have been told that my rabbi wishes to take me before the beit din in late December or close to that. For me, I am in the final steps towards becoming a Jew, which I am excited for. However, it is also stressful. There is so much I still need to learn. In addition to that, I will have to move and may have to find a new job. The job situation has yet to be determined. They are fleeting, ever changing things in this world, so despite the fact I am losing something valuable to me; the loss is not greater than what I am gaining.
I do not expect life to be easy. I never have. Everything I have of value, I have worked hard to achieve. Now, I get to see the greatest desires of my heart come to fruition. In truth, I cannot be happier.
It has been said that I am crazy or insane for taking on the conversion process. Perhaps to some I am. Perhaps to some I always will be. I am not crazy, nor am I insane. Frankly, I could not be saner. I have found where truth lays in my own life and I have worked and climbed towards that truth. I will sacrifice what is fleeting in this world and hold on to that which is significant to my own heart. I am willing to take the risk to be myself. I am what I am. I cannot change that fact any more than you can. I can improve myself, but I will always be what “I am” and not something else.
Thank you for your time.
In this world, we walk a path. This path gets crossed over many times by people that we meet. It changes as events take place opening or showing us new paths in which we can choose to divert. Some roads are easy. Other roads are more difficult. At times are journeys are well illuminated and at other we walk stumbling in the darkness. Through it all we find our way. Through it all, we are searching for ourselves. Sometimes we are faced with joy. At other times, we feel great pain. Both make us stronger.
It is possible to walk a path without knowing its truth. It is possible to make a decision without knowing you have made it. Due to this traveling in innocence, one may get hurt and not understand the source. In that pain, innocence may be lost and filled with bitterness and darkness. However, when the truth is revealed to the pained heart, they stand at a juncture. Do they allow bitterness and hatred turn them down the darken path to hide from the truth or do they allow themselves to embrace the truth despite the uphill path. For hatred is a down hill path, easy to walk, even easy run down. Truth requires a person to climb beyond oneself to higher level.
Truth is not an easy road. It requires risk and sacrifice. However, faith in oneself goes hand in hand with truth. If one has faith in oneself, then truth is not as far in the distance as one would think it should be. It is a still a stretch, but it obtainable. The question is what are you willing to risk? What are you willing to sacrifice? Where is that line that should never be crossed?
That which is fleeting in this world holds no significant truth to the heart. No amount of money, no job, no possessions, nothing that is truly fleeing in this man made world holds a true significance of the heart. People, our friends and our family, they cannot be replaced and at times once broken cannot be completely fixed. That which is fleeting can be replaced or fixed and we continue. Life cannot be replaced. A life cannot be “fixed”. It can only be given the time to heal.
I have not mentioned a word about G-d, until now. Some of you, my friends, are strong in your faith of G-d; others are not. However, what I have said above applies to all. It is my personal belief that G-d is ever present, ever watching orchestrating our paths based upon the decisions we make. Though G-d may not seen to be present, G-d is there somewhere should one open ones’ eyes to search. At times we lose sight of faith and thus, we lose sight of G-d. This does not mean G-d has vanished from our lives. It does not mean G-d hates us. It just simply means we cannot see the truth or the value of the darken moment.
G-d is just. G-d rewards us for the good and punishes the bad as a father would his child. G-d does not call for our destruction, so much as G-d calls for our growth. G-d wants us to learn, to grow closer to him/her. G-d wants us to live not die. G-d wants us to be righteous, to strive to make ourselves better, thus helping those around us.
Now, many of asked me why I am converting to Judaism. I could give the clip answer that I believe Judaism is right and all other religions are wrong. However, that would not be the truth of the heart. Belief. It is the reason. I believe in what I pray. I believe in what I read and how I live my life. It does not seem as foreign as one would think it should be. It is apart of me. Do I believe the other religions are right? No. They are not what I believe, therefore will never be right. Is Judaism right? Well, for me yes, yes it is.
I suppose you are wondering why I have written this. Well, my last meeting with my rabbi has given me a rough timeline for the end of my conversion process. I have been told that my rabbi wishes to take me before the beit din in late December or close to that. For me, I am in the final steps towards becoming a Jew, which I am excited for. However, it is also stressful. There is so much I still need to learn. In addition to that, I will have to move and may have to find a new job. The job situation has yet to be determined. They are fleeting, ever changing things in this world, so despite the fact I am losing something valuable to me; the loss is not greater than what I am gaining.
I do not expect life to be easy. I never have. Everything I have of value, I have worked hard to achieve. Now, I get to see the greatest desires of my heart come to fruition. In truth, I cannot be happier.
It has been said that I am crazy or insane for taking on the conversion process. Perhaps to some I am. Perhaps to some I always will be. I am not crazy, nor am I insane. Frankly, I could not be saner. I have found where truth lays in my own life and I have worked and climbed towards that truth. I will sacrifice what is fleeting in this world and hold on to that which is significant to my own heart. I am willing to take the risk to be myself. I am what I am. I cannot change that fact any more than you can. I can improve myself, but I will always be what “I am” and not something else.
Thank you for your time.
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