Sorry that I have not been doing my duty of making sure that you wonderful people know that I am alive. Well, mostly alive, but there is neither here nor there. Out from under the fuzz of evil medication, I finally remembered that I actually had this blog. No, I have known I have this blog all along, because certain people complain when I don't write. I suppose it was a matter of motivation to write here, since I was so busy with school work, work, and being sick.
Speaking of school work. I am managed to pull off another straight A semester. Yippie. After last semester's B in math, I was determined to get an A this semester. I am a very happy dragon right now. Currently hold a 3.95 GPA, which will give me a good position for scholarships...eeps...got to do research and writing for those...shoot!!! I also still have to take my Praxis. I feel like such a slacker.
Work is going well, but it looks like I am going to need to find another job because I am barely covering my bills. Not that I don't enjoy a good challenge, but frankly, it gets tiresome. Life...a most draining experience.
And I have been sick. Not sure what is really wrong, because the Docs can't seem to make up their minds. In truth, they keep telling me stuff I already knew. Sigh...it all is coming down to pain management and sleeping more than usual to deal. Dealing, not something I really intended to have to do. Well, I will just have to see what physical therapy is going to do for me. Speaking of which, I have to schedule that. Yipes! oooopies...and paperwork..There is always paperwork that has to be filled out.
As for other things. I am enjoying my week off from school. Reading, Writing and just plain relaxation. I am enjoying it highly. I even set up my desk...It has only taken five months to do that.
Oh, and being Jewish is fun. Still learning a ton of things. I really should spend more time studying. Need to get around to that.
Well, that is a good recap for now.
Donuts
From Trigun
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Why do we have children?
Over the course of many years, I have babysat many children of various age ranges. I have conducted storytime programs at the library I work at. I have seen all manner of children from the well behaved child, who uses please and thank you, to the little monsters, who are a nightmare to watch due tantrums and the like. Now, no matter how well behaved a child is they have their moments. We all have our moments whether child or adult. In fact, I would go so far as saying there are many adults out there who barely act older than children, if that. Upon seeing and experiencing all of this, what sane person would seriously think about having one, let alone more than that.
Think about all the work that is involved. A mother carries the growing fetus for nine months and than has to go into labor to bring the baby into the world. Now, that in of itself is rather painful experience I hear. Then, a baby is entirely dependant on its parents. The care of a baby is entirely dependant on someone else. Diapers need to be changed. Feedings must occur regularly, say every two hours or so. Laundry always seems need to be done. A baby’s cries will pierce the night waking one up. It is a lot of work.
Then, they get older. They reach the terrible twos where they learn the word “No”. They do everything they possibly can to exert their individuality and get what they want. They throw tantrums where they are kicking and screaming. They literally can turn into little monsters. This seems to go until they reach school age.
School finally rolls around. There may be a battle to get homework done. Then there is the whole making your child get along with their peers. Oh, and then there are the clicks. Nothing can be worse than the cruelty that children subject on each other. It can be down right brutal. Seriously, world leaders to me often seem to look like children who just never learned to get along and play together in the sandbox.
Anyway, if one survives that, there is puberty. Ah, that awkward time when children are making their way to be young adults. Hormones are running rampant and peer cruelty reaches new heights. Then there is the fear of one’s child getting mixed up in drugs, alcohol and sex. It is enough to keep one up at night.
At 16, we give our children a car. Basically, we hand them the keys to a deadly weapon and hope to God they don’t kill themselves or anyone else with it. Still have the drugs, alcohol and sex to be worried about. One’s hair is turning prematurely gray from all the worrying. If they survive high school, we send them off to college. At college, they are on their own where they can make all sorts of reckless decisions that continue to keep parents up at night. Then there is that fear that they will bring home a member of the opposite sex and want to marry them. There is a pretty high monetary cost just to get rid of your child and make them completely independent. Heck, what is the next to all the medical bills, activities, feeding, clothing, sheltering and such of your child for X amount of years. Then they have their own children and you hope that their children where just like parents so that your children know exactly what they put you through.
Now, what sane person would want to go through all of that? Granted grandchildren are fun and you can spoil them, but you can do that with anyone’s children to be truthful. It is a ton of work. Also, taking into account the whole raging hormones, procreation is a rather interesting side effect to all that sex.
No, there is something that makes it all worth it. It is love. Most people have a child because they love themselves, love their partners and still have a ton of love left over to devote to caring for a child. What makes all of this worth it? When say your two year old monster comes over to you and hugs you saying “I love you”. When you child hugs you and kisses you goodbye in public that makes it worth it. No how bad the bad times are, when your child tells you “I love you, Mom/Dad”, hugs you, kisses you, spends time with you instead of running around with their crazy friends. It is worth it. A child’s love is so innocent and complete unlike an adults’. A child trusts fully and loves fully without reservations. This is what will make a normal sane person want one of their own.
Think about all the work that is involved. A mother carries the growing fetus for nine months and than has to go into labor to bring the baby into the world. Now, that in of itself is rather painful experience I hear. Then, a baby is entirely dependant on its parents. The care of a baby is entirely dependant on someone else. Diapers need to be changed. Feedings must occur regularly, say every two hours or so. Laundry always seems need to be done. A baby’s cries will pierce the night waking one up. It is a lot of work.
Then, they get older. They reach the terrible twos where they learn the word “No”. They do everything they possibly can to exert their individuality and get what they want. They throw tantrums where they are kicking and screaming. They literally can turn into little monsters. This seems to go until they reach school age.
School finally rolls around. There may be a battle to get homework done. Then there is the whole making your child get along with their peers. Oh, and then there are the clicks. Nothing can be worse than the cruelty that children subject on each other. It can be down right brutal. Seriously, world leaders to me often seem to look like children who just never learned to get along and play together in the sandbox.
Anyway, if one survives that, there is puberty. Ah, that awkward time when children are making their way to be young adults. Hormones are running rampant and peer cruelty reaches new heights. Then there is the fear of one’s child getting mixed up in drugs, alcohol and sex. It is enough to keep one up at night.
At 16, we give our children a car. Basically, we hand them the keys to a deadly weapon and hope to God they don’t kill themselves or anyone else with it. Still have the drugs, alcohol and sex to be worried about. One’s hair is turning prematurely gray from all the worrying. If they survive high school, we send them off to college. At college, they are on their own where they can make all sorts of reckless decisions that continue to keep parents up at night. Then there is that fear that they will bring home a member of the opposite sex and want to marry them. There is a pretty high monetary cost just to get rid of your child and make them completely independent. Heck, what is the next to all the medical bills, activities, feeding, clothing, sheltering and such of your child for X amount of years. Then they have their own children and you hope that their children where just like parents so that your children know exactly what they put you through.
Now, what sane person would want to go through all of that? Granted grandchildren are fun and you can spoil them, but you can do that with anyone’s children to be truthful. It is a ton of work. Also, taking into account the whole raging hormones, procreation is a rather interesting side effect to all that sex.
No, there is something that makes it all worth it. It is love. Most people have a child because they love themselves, love their partners and still have a ton of love left over to devote to caring for a child. What makes all of this worth it? When say your two year old monster comes over to you and hugs you saying “I love you”. When you child hugs you and kisses you goodbye in public that makes it worth it. No how bad the bad times are, when your child tells you “I love you, Mom/Dad”, hugs you, kisses you, spends time with you instead of running around with their crazy friends. It is worth it. A child’s love is so innocent and complete unlike an adults’. A child trusts fully and loves fully without reservations. This is what will make a normal sane person want one of their own.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Ender's game (post 1)
Several days ago, I finished reading Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. It was a fascinating read. In other words, the book was a page a turner. For me there was great deal of predictability of what is going to happen over the course of the storyline. However, the main draw to this book is not seeing the plot line unfold, but to see how Ender manages to get from point to the next. One knows what is going to happen, but not how it is going to happen per say.
There is a heavy current to this book in the way of morals. Is it moral to teach a child to become a weapon and especially do that by creating a game? The morals of war and conquering are also brought into question. The moral question of killing in self-defense is also present in this book. Could the death of two boys have been prevented or were they just causalities of war? Or, it is moral to drive children to the point of exhaustion in order to train them to go to war? Or tricking a child in to leading and destroying an entire race of people? Or is it moral to make someone into a killer against his or her inner nature? These are all question of morality are invoked in some form in the book. The answers to these questions are up to the reader.
I am currently taking Education Psychology. The entire book is littered with examples of various theories from Erik Erikson, Jean Piaget and Lev Vygotsky. It made learning the material for class bearable and interesting, since I could apply it to what I was reading.
There is a great deal of education psychology in the book. Ender struggles with obtaining identity. He is essentially trapped in Erik Erikson’s stage of identity versus role confusion. It appears that Ender reaches this stage earlier than most of his peers simply because of his genius. He has already proven to himself and other that he is industrious by the age or six. Erikson’s stage industry versus inferiority usually last ages six to eleven; however, Ender, at the beginning of the book, has moved into identity versus role confusion, which usually spans the ages of 12 to 18. Ender gets stuck here. He is confused about his role and who he is. He is set up to be a killer despite the fact that it is against his core nature. He does not want to hurt anyone, yet he ends up killing two classmates and then, destroying an entire race of people called the Buggers. He is set in an environment where everything is decided for him. The only place he has any creative control to foster his own identity is in a computer game, which takes him through scenarios and the creation of military strategy. Yet with both of these, he is being shaped into a well-honed weapon. Thus, Ender true identity remains in a state of confusion.
Simultaneously, Ender is also plagued with the next stage of Erikson’s development, intimacy versus isolation. Throughout the book, Ender is isolated from making friends with anyone. Every time he manages to form a bond with someone, he is separated from the person. So, not only is Ender in a constant state of role confusion, he is also in isolation.
I enjoyed the book highly and would recommend reading it. I ended up reading this particular book because of a friend of mine who numbers it among their favorites. There is a great deal more educational psychology contained in this book; however, this is starting to sound like a paper for school. This tone is starting to bug me, so I shall be finishing this post with the intention of writing sequel.
There is a heavy current to this book in the way of morals. Is it moral to teach a child to become a weapon and especially do that by creating a game? The morals of war and conquering are also brought into question. The moral question of killing in self-defense is also present in this book. Could the death of two boys have been prevented or were they just causalities of war? Or, it is moral to drive children to the point of exhaustion in order to train them to go to war? Or tricking a child in to leading and destroying an entire race of people? Or is it moral to make someone into a killer against his or her inner nature? These are all question of morality are invoked in some form in the book. The answers to these questions are up to the reader.
I am currently taking Education Psychology. The entire book is littered with examples of various theories from Erik Erikson, Jean Piaget and Lev Vygotsky. It made learning the material for class bearable and interesting, since I could apply it to what I was reading.
There is a great deal of education psychology in the book. Ender struggles with obtaining identity. He is essentially trapped in Erik Erikson’s stage of identity versus role confusion. It appears that Ender reaches this stage earlier than most of his peers simply because of his genius. He has already proven to himself and other that he is industrious by the age or six. Erikson’s stage industry versus inferiority usually last ages six to eleven; however, Ender, at the beginning of the book, has moved into identity versus role confusion, which usually spans the ages of 12 to 18. Ender gets stuck here. He is confused about his role and who he is. He is set up to be a killer despite the fact that it is against his core nature. He does not want to hurt anyone, yet he ends up killing two classmates and then, destroying an entire race of people called the Buggers. He is set in an environment where everything is decided for him. The only place he has any creative control to foster his own identity is in a computer game, which takes him through scenarios and the creation of military strategy. Yet with both of these, he is being shaped into a well-honed weapon. Thus, Ender true identity remains in a state of confusion.
Simultaneously, Ender is also plagued with the next stage of Erikson’s development, intimacy versus isolation. Throughout the book, Ender is isolated from making friends with anyone. Every time he manages to form a bond with someone, he is separated from the person. So, not only is Ender in a constant state of role confusion, he is also in isolation.
I enjoyed the book highly and would recommend reading it. I ended up reading this particular book because of a friend of mine who numbers it among their favorites. There is a great deal more educational psychology contained in this book; however, this is starting to sound like a paper for school. This tone is starting to bug me, so I shall be finishing this post with the intention of writing sequel.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Great and Terrible Beauty
Great and Terrible Beauty, this is the book I just finished reading. It was an enjoyable book. It was one that I had difficulty putting down. Libba Bray certainly did her work when recreating the historical time period. She weaves magic into a rather bleak world for women who have resigned themselves to live by the rules set by their male counterparts. Bray manages to grab the essence of what it is like to be a 17 year old. The emotional driven desires paint and move the story forward as it colors the actions of the girls in the story. Though I found predictability to the story in places, it did not detract from the work. It is certainly worth reading.
Earlier today, I wrote a message about chapters of a person’s life ending to open to a new one. Here is a quote that so aptly suits my previous posting.
“…Dans chaque din, il y a un debut.”
My translation skills aren’t quite up to this one. “In the end, also, is a debutante?”
Mademoiselle LeFarge shakes her head, “In every end, there is also a beginning.”
I believe this is a very fitting quote for this day of reflection.
Earlier today, I wrote a message about chapters of a person’s life ending to open to a new one. Here is a quote that so aptly suits my previous posting.
“…Dans chaque din, il y a un debut.”
My translation skills aren’t quite up to this one. “In the end, also, is a debutante?”
Mademoiselle LeFarge shakes her head, “In every end, there is also a beginning.”
I believe this is a very fitting quote for this day of reflection.
Chapters of Life
In a sense, the story of one's life can be equated to that of a giant book. We open and close chapters with the decision we make as time revolves around. When we are children these chapters move swiftly without one taking notice that they have closed a chapter and are beginning another. As we get older, there are times when one can feel the chapter closing and that sadness that comes with its ending. However, there is always a new chapter begin foreshadowed in the older chapters and looming just on the horzion of life itself. This new chapter for as thrilling as it seems also comes with a mixture of fear and apprehension of the unknown possibilities.
In my life, I know I have seen the beginning and closing of several chapters. Each time one ends there is a longing, as if I lost a good friend. Yet, each time a new chapter opens, there is excitement for adventure. Over a year ago, I chose to convert to Judaism, which has been the best decision I have ever made about my life and its path. This decision sharply closed one chapter and opened another. This new chapter that started with the decision to convert and will end when my conversion is complete. One of the things I had to do to complete my conversion was move into an apartment under the eruv. It took forever me forever to move out. Last night, I handed in the keys. I wanted nothing more than to cry hard.
That apartment was the first place I had felt safe in a long time, a very long time. At first, it was just walls, but the end of two years, it was my home. There I was allowed to be myself for the first time in my life since childhood and make the decisions that affect my life. My childhood started to die around age 10. Leaving such a place without having garentees about where I would be moving into having the same general feeling.
I am still unsure of myself in the new place. Except pushing myself beyond my limits and collasping face first into bed, I have not slept more than five and half hours a night. I know I need more like 7 hours at least a night to function properly. Things are getting better. The desire to sleep in my new place as opposed to the old has definately shifted. My sleep schedule should even out as my course schedule does, which will be in the next week or so.
Last night all I wanted to do was curl up and bawl my eyes out. My heart ached. Today, the sorrow hangs lingering, but excitement for the future is taking hold. I chose this path. I can feel the ending and the beginning within hands reach. Though I cannot give a date for this chapter ending I know where it looms in my future, which I suppose is something that is rare and beautiful. I guess it is the same feeling one would have about finishing college and getting ready to start in the real world.
We all have chapters, some bigger, some smaller. Each chapter holds its joy and its pain. We get to shape these chapter of life and leave an imprint of our story behind for others to hear and bear witness too. This is one of those intrinsic beauties in life.
In my life, I know I have seen the beginning and closing of several chapters. Each time one ends there is a longing, as if I lost a good friend. Yet, each time a new chapter opens, there is excitement for adventure. Over a year ago, I chose to convert to Judaism, which has been the best decision I have ever made about my life and its path. This decision sharply closed one chapter and opened another. This new chapter that started with the decision to convert and will end when my conversion is complete. One of the things I had to do to complete my conversion was move into an apartment under the eruv. It took forever me forever to move out. Last night, I handed in the keys. I wanted nothing more than to cry hard.
That apartment was the first place I had felt safe in a long time, a very long time. At first, it was just walls, but the end of two years, it was my home. There I was allowed to be myself for the first time in my life since childhood and make the decisions that affect my life. My childhood started to die around age 10. Leaving such a place without having garentees about where I would be moving into having the same general feeling.
I am still unsure of myself in the new place. Except pushing myself beyond my limits and collasping face first into bed, I have not slept more than five and half hours a night. I know I need more like 7 hours at least a night to function properly. Things are getting better. The desire to sleep in my new place as opposed to the old has definately shifted. My sleep schedule should even out as my course schedule does, which will be in the next week or so.
Last night all I wanted to do was curl up and bawl my eyes out. My heart ached. Today, the sorrow hangs lingering, but excitement for the future is taking hold. I chose this path. I can feel the ending and the beginning within hands reach. Though I cannot give a date for this chapter ending I know where it looms in my future, which I suppose is something that is rare and beautiful. I guess it is the same feeling one would have about finishing college and getting ready to start in the real world.
We all have chapters, some bigger, some smaller. Each chapter holds its joy and its pain. We get to shape these chapter of life and leave an imprint of our story behind for others to hear and bear witness too. This is one of those intrinsic beauties in life.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Quite the seamstress
Well, I am certainly going to be busy for a little while. School work has me rather tied up, as do my conversion readings. Over top of wanting to do a ton of personal reading, I have been asked to alter a prom dress for my youngest sister. Now, I can alter clothing. I have done this plenty of times in the past. My work is decent, however nowhere near the level of perfection required for prom wear. The other issue is time. I have no idea where I am going to find the time to actually alter a dress for her. However, knowing my sister's budget, this is the only way she is going to have anything special to wear to prom.
The option we are going with is an old blue semi formal dress of mine with my black corset overtop. Now I still have to alter the dress some, ie make an over skirt and perhaps sleeves. I am not sure what I am going to be able to do.
At the moment I have so many sewing projects lined up that my sewing machine has finally stopped screaming at me to do them figuring I decided to give up getting anything done. So, if I am not online or answering my phone, I might be busy reading my textbook, at school, at work, or with my hands busy on not getting stabbed by my sewing needle.
The option we are going with is an old blue semi formal dress of mine with my black corset overtop. Now I still have to alter the dress some, ie make an over skirt and perhaps sleeves. I am not sure what I am going to be able to do.
At the moment I have so many sewing projects lined up that my sewing machine has finally stopped screaming at me to do them figuring I decided to give up getting anything done. So, if I am not online or answering my phone, I might be busy reading my textbook, at school, at work, or with my hands busy on not getting stabbed by my sewing needle.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Textbook Treachery
Ok, I go to community college because I cannot afford to go elsewhere. When you are the one footing the bill, you go where you can afford to go. I am lucky that I do qualify for grant money and scholarships or I would not be making tuition each semester. There is one thing that bugs me, like really, really irks me.
The community college was designed for working class and low-income families to get an education and/or degree to get better paying jobs, so they can move up in the world. So, though tuition is cheaper at a community college with decent courses, which transfer to most four-year universities, the textbook prices remain astronomical. Now there is the option of buying books online used, however, the campus bookstore is not going to make that easy for you. In addition to that, there are always new editions coming out and the professors require these new additions. I just spent 188.00 for a book for one class brand new because there is not option to buy used. That is nearly the cost of a course. Many books now range brand new in the $100 to 125 range if hardback and $80 to 100 in soft cover. This is supposed to be a college encouraging the working class to return to school and help low-income families afford higher education. The cost of textbooks is making this increasingly difficult.
Textbook prices should be capped at an affordable level, especially when it comes to the community college. The government wants people to seek higher education, than they should make it easier for them to achieve and be adding hidden costs to the bill. Books for classes should not cost a third or more of the class for which is for.
I will pay good money for books, however textbook prices are ridiculous and uncalled for.
The community college was designed for working class and low-income families to get an education and/or degree to get better paying jobs, so they can move up in the world. So, though tuition is cheaper at a community college with decent courses, which transfer to most four-year universities, the textbook prices remain astronomical. Now there is the option of buying books online used, however, the campus bookstore is not going to make that easy for you. In addition to that, there are always new editions coming out and the professors require these new additions. I just spent 188.00 for a book for one class brand new because there is not option to buy used. That is nearly the cost of a course. Many books now range brand new in the $100 to 125 range if hardback and $80 to 100 in soft cover. This is supposed to be a college encouraging the working class to return to school and help low-income families afford higher education. The cost of textbooks is making this increasingly difficult.
Textbook prices should be capped at an affordable level, especially when it comes to the community college. The government wants people to seek higher education, than they should make it easier for them to achieve and be adding hidden costs to the bill. Books for classes should not cost a third or more of the class for which is for.
I will pay good money for books, however textbook prices are ridiculous and uncalled for.
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